So here’s the thing. I’m itchy—almost constantly. I’m trying the whole “mind over matter” thing, but it doesn’t really work all that well. I have trouble sleeping, I hate putting on clothes and leaving the house and my eyes burn a little. After doing much research online, I’m pretty sure I might be slightly jaundiced—as the whites of my eyes are a little yellow… but that’s about it, so maybe I’m not jaundiced. AAAHHHHHHH!

I didn’t fit with any of the main reasons for jaundice/itching… until I saw that BC, more importantly estrogen, can bring this about. Looking back over the past couple of weeks, I have to wonder if my being so sick and taking antibiotics, while still taking BC, has brought this about. If so, the only help is to stop taking the BC (I did, two days ago). Then today I read that the itching might persist for a few weeks (or months), until my body has “realigned” itself. I want to die.

There are a few documented cases where people with an itching problem committed suicide, and I half to admit, I totally understand that. It’s debilitating, to say the least.

Anyway, the point of this diatribe was to say that while I will try to keep up with the blogging, I might fade in and out—just functioning is a chore lately.

Update: And irony… apparently the antibiotic I am on has caused severe itching in those being treated with it. Lovely. Stupid drug.

Yeah. Not so much really.

I’m sitting in Dallas, waiting for my flight home. They’re behind schedule pretty bad, mechanical problems again… in other words, I’m just hanging out at the airport, hoping beyond hope that they get me on a plane home tonight.

If I didn’t remember before why I hate traveling, I do now. The planes, the people, the sickness… truly an enlightening experience.

Update, 12:38Am: Made it home alive thankfully.

So we got another test back today. It was the throat swab that had previously said I didn’t have Strep A or B.

And I don’t, but lo and behold, there’s a “rare hemolytic streptoccoccus, not A or B type” and guess what…? Yep, that’s right, I have it. Grrrrrr….

The lab faxed it to my dad’s office on Friday… and we just got it today. He got all cranky that they didn’t call and tell us, because apparently it’s really not that good to go this long without antibiotics. Lovely.

So now I am on the meds and hopefully will feel much better by the time I get on the plane on Thursday.

I have an ear infection now… along with the coughing/choking, sore throat, headache and dizziness.

And itchiness. I am very itchy.

I am not in Hawaii. Stupid fucking sickness.

My parents had plans for the weekend, so I am home alone in bed. They keep calling me, asking if I want to drive up to the cabin where they are at and play Scrabble and watch movies, etc. I think they’re not un-happy I didn’t get to go to Hawaii, and that really pisses me off. Not that they are happy that I’m sick, just more comfortable that I’m not in Hawaii with a guy they’ve never met engaging in all sorts of debauchery.

So, after six days of sickness and one day of depression I have four days until I go home.

And I have to be well first. Plane rides with ear infections are hell.

But I really want to go home.

Then I can start counting down the days until I get to see the Man.

Valentine’s Day isn’t that far away.

So I’m all packed and ready to go, and still, sadly, feeling quite below the weather. I fear that this flight will be torture. A plane full of happy people heading to the sun for New Year’s… and me, Sicky Mcphee.

Lovely.

Update @ 12:30: Well, after a serious bout of throwing up, a massive migraine ensued. Then my dad came home and my mom called the airline and so now I am not going to Hawaii. I’m just too sick. And I am incredibly sad, in addition to being sick, because I hardly ever get to see the Man and now I don’t know when I’ll see him again.

So I am back in bed, trying not to throw up again, very upset that I can’t get on the plane and I can’t stop bloody crying.

Life sucks.

The insider is still sick. She is not happy about that at all.

Technically, I feel better today than I did yesterday, so here’s to hoping that I feel better tomorrow than I do today. Otherwise the flight is going to be such a nightmare.

My mom made me go to the eye doctor today (I had an appointment and since I only go when I come home…). Anyway, they have these new eyedrops now called Reversal drops that are supposed to reverse the effects of the Dilation drops… well, within one hour as opposed to four to six. The lady told me that they would sting for five minutes, terribly, but then they would be fine.

I swear to god, there was crushed up jalapenos in those damn drops. My eyes burned for about ten minutes, and it wasn’t until I slept for four hours, and then took a shower with the steam in my eyes did the redness go away.

My point here is don’t let them give you the drops. Dilation isn’t that bad at all.

When you are deathly ill and dying, go to a salon and get a bikini wax. They jack up the heat in the room until it’s a steamy 80 degrees. You’d be amazed at how that really helps you breathe.

On the other hand, driving to and fro is not recommended, as closing your eyes, hacking up a lung and forgetting to go at a green light are all frowned upon by your fellow drivers… particularly all three together.

I’m now going to try and sleep, but it doesn’t look promising (due to the hacking). Both the strep test and the flu test came back negative, but my dad is sure I have something, so he sent a sputum culture in this morning. I just want somebody to give me drugs and fix me before I get on a plane Friday… in 44 hours.

I have to go get a strep test now.

::sniff::

Although apparently there is an evil, terrible flu virus going around, that is so virulent the flu shot isn’t working. So I might have that… and my Dad might too. He is laying on the couch, all sick and grouchy.

We feel like ass and shit combined. 🙁

Update: no strep. Horrible test for that and the flu… ugh.

I am sick.
I want to die.
I am trying to believe, but I want to take a pill and pass quietly into the night.

Did I mention I was sick?

Last night I was planning to post about a) shopping with my mom, b) taking out the trash with my dad (truly is an experience, let me tell ya—he put on foul weather gear, to include a cowboy hat… oh boy), c) seeing my cousins (who are now PEOPLE—they are old and have girlfriends and lives and it’s very freaky and that makes me feel old) and d) plucking my dad’s eyebrows with my mom (I had to hold his face still… so much joy in my family, lol.)

However, I had an awful nightmare last night, just terrible. Someone was sending me weird notes. Then they got scary, and for some unknown reason, I didn’t tell anyone. Then, to make matters worse, the person took my cousins and sent me a note saying “Come and get them… but you can’t use your car.” So the place I was at, the woman let me borrow her car and my friend and I went after my cousins. But we didn’t know where to go, we just had to wait. At this point I told my dad and he was kinda freaked out, but not as much as me (typical). Anyway, long story short, she dropped them off there when I was with my dad at a pizza parlor (dunno), and it turned out to be one of my friends from college (more scary) and I threatened to kill her if she ever came near me or mine again.

Helloooo, that was a fun night.

I have to work now, then go to the dentist (whoopee).