Check an old email account, find an email from an old high school detailing their recent admittance to the weird world of MySpace, click on the link and subsequently find scads of high school friends (all still living in this area) on MySpace.

Oh. dear. sweet. misery.

Somehow, in the several years we’ve been out of high school, they’ve:

1. become swingers.
2. had their little brother/sister get married.
3. forgotten how to a) spell and b) use proper grammar.
4. become raging alcoholics.

And what have I concluded from this little jaunt down memory landfill? That none of them have grown up and that I’m lucky as hell I moved out of the area.

I might be scarred from this experience.

I’d handle it so much better if I could down some vodka. That always helps. 😉

For her, I shall explain what the hell I’ve been talking about for two months.

Bilirubin: This number says the quantity of bile salt that’s in your blood. Typically the number is between .2 and 1. As it rises, bile salt backs up in your blood stream and your skin starts taking on a yellow shade. Then you start to itch and the whites of your eyes turn yellow. My dad (and the doctors back here) have never someone with a bilirubin over 15—I hit 29.7 at the peak, which means I was dark yellow and itchy as hell.

ALT and AST: These are liver enzyme numbers. Typically they range between 5 and 50, give or take. Once you start passing 50, there’s something wrong with your liver. These numbers tell the doctors that something is attacking the liver and it needs checked out.

Albumen: This is a protein number. Normally you’re supposed to be between 3.0 and 3.5. My dad calls it the “starvation index,” the lower it is, the more starved your body is for protein. I had hit about 2.1 I think, which was why I dropped so much weight and why I had no energy. I’m at a 4.1 now, which comes from eating a ridiculous quantity of protein and fat—i.e., bacon. 🙂

Does that explain it Le Will?

At least it’s not rising, that’s what I keep telling myself.

My AST dropped to within normal range and my albumen is very high (which means, THANK GOD, I can stop eating bacon)… but my ALT is still high and the bili’s at a 3.8 (normal is .2 to 1). Argh.

I know I should be thankful that it’s dropping, and I am, don’t get me wrong… but I had hoped this would be my first week of normal labs. Two straight weeks of normal and we get to talk about me going home… the insider misses home.

And vodka.

We’re doing our taxes today.

Because for part of last year I was self-employed, there was a good chance I was going to owe the IRS somewhere in the vicinity of $2000. Needless to say, I was stressed this morning.

Then the tax guy came, did some magic with his pencil and special paper and voila! the government owes me $1000. I’m a little confused on the particulars, but he worked the numbers and deducted (all of which is legal and above board, no worries) and now I’m planning to absolutely take a little vacation this year… 🙂

We haven’t gone for the bloodwork yet, but I’m going to guess I’m around a 2 for the bilirubin. Hopefully all the rest of the numbers have dropped into their appropriate brackets and I’ll be able to head home in two or three weeks.

At which time I will then start planning a well-deserved vacation. Possibly to a sunny little island in the Pacific. 😉

He cooks breakfast (good).
He gives me meds (eh, hard to say).
He plays with my cats (very cute).
He won’t let me drink any liquor (bad). Granted, I have a liver problem, but I’m back living at my parent’s house (for the time being) and a girl needs a drink. Somebody get the GIRL a drink.

Reason I’m telling you this: he used my bathroom and forgot to a) put the toilet seat down and b) flush. Eww.

Oh, the joys of living at home.

BTW, Bad News Hughes updated. It’s hysterical, of course.

We did labs again today (my new favorite Tuesday activity) and fortunately my bilirubin is still dropping. As slow as molasses… but at least it’s going down. On the other hand, my ALT went up again and my AST stayed elevated. I feel leaps and bounds better than I did a month ago, but honest to god I am so ready for this to be over.

The insider wants to go home. I miss my home. I miss my job (actually I’m still doing my job, but I miss the office). I know, I know, it’s sick, but you don’t understand. I. am. so. bored.

I work, I read books (although now I am out of Terry Pratchett—the Man again with the good taste—and my dad is pressing me to read Bible prophesy books, sigh) and I watch movies with my mom. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy I’m no longer sick and I have fun with my mom, but enough’s enough.

So how is the wide world of blogging doing? It’s now March (or will be in six minutes)… do tell how 2006 is treating you. I have decided that 2006 is going to be, shall we say, a bust year. The year I hope to forget. Now I think I have Grampa on this train too, so what about the rest of you? Good year so far, or bad?

Remember, today was Fat Tuesday. If you didn’t party, that’s not a good sign. 🙂

Hey cousin… happy birthday!

Wait.. are you forty yet? Aren’t you ALMOST forty? Good god when did we get this old?!

Can you read this? Is it too small? Is this better?

Wow… I can hear you yelling at me all the way over here. ::snicker::

Well my blood test results came in and I’m at an 8.8. Eh. We thought I’d be at a 4 by now. I can deal with an 8.

But… my ALT and AST (liver enzymes that say how healthy your liver is) are elevated again and my albumin (which says how much protein/food/bacon I’m getting) has dropped again. Bugger.

I’m less itchy and I’m off all the meds that made me wacky (like forgetting entire days I’ve lived in the past two months), and I’m really hoping that everything drops back to normal by next week.

Or they might make me get a liver biopsy. Argh.

Here’s a question I have: why do baby gates exist?

When my parents brought me home, we brought my two cats with us. It was a stipulation of mine. I couldn’t board them for an indefinite period of time, Izzie gets very freaked out when I’m not around and honestly, I wouldn’t feel right about leaving them with anyone. However, four cats? Insane. Especially considering two are 17 and two are three. Two are energetic and nosey and inquisitive and two only like to sleep and eat. There is hissing and growling and ridiculous posturing, so we tend to keep the cats separate unless we’re all out there, prepared to jump between them.

So my dad put up baby gates. I’m in the guest room downstairs, which is attached by a hallway to a laundry room and a bathroom. Right outside the hallway is the den and the kitchen, so the gates were set up at the juncture of the hallway and the den. I say “gates” because I was afraid that my cats would jump the one gate and get out, so my dad rigged up two, one on top of the other. It worked, but it really made for a hassle when any of us were trying to move in and out. My mom hit her head once, twice the top gate fell and then I knocked the top gate off the wall… so now we only have the one gate. It’s still very annoying though. You don’t realize how easy you move between rooms until you are forced to stop, open a gate, walk through and close a gate.

(My two have figured out that they can jump the one gate, and they do… but only when I’ve left them to go into the kitchen or upstairs to the bath.)

Anyway, my mom and I were talking and I said, “When I have kids, they’re just going to know that they can’t be in a certain room. No baby gates for me—I’d go nuts.”

Laughing, my mom replied, “Oh really? You’re just going to train them while they’re babies that they can’t play in the room with the knives in the drawer?”

“Yes. My kids will be brilliant and know that they aren’t supposed to… oh man, I’ve lost my mind.”

Laughter ensued all around.

When the Man called, I told him that eventually… and it might not be with him, so don’t everybody all freak out or read anything into this… I want to have kids. It’s a definite for me. Poor guy, he didn’t know what hit him.

I think I freaked him out… ::snicker::

They took me to another lab that uses the same machine as the one back home, and drew blood again.

14.6. It is dropping at two points a day. 🙂 🙂 At this rate, I will stop itching by next Friday. Woohoo!