I had a very day.
Very bad.
Awful.
So the fuck factor today has been labeled HIGH.

What this means: I am cranky. I want to maim people. So stay out of my way.

The coworker knows when the insider is having a HFF day. I am very obvious. And she’s worked with me long enough to know when she shouldn’t antagonize me.

Today, she decided to ignore that and press on.

One lovely little thing was an email that said “post something funny on your blog.”

Now here’s the thing. I am insanely busy lately. We have major projects to do and to top it off, we had to run labs today. Labs where dumb and annoying people come to test the websites we design. (I am allowed to call them dumb and annoying because I am a designer and it’s my damn prerogative.) When we run these labs, someone from the head office always comes down. Typically it’s the Big Boss, but today, it was this woman who helps run the other side of the business… the one that makes money that we never fucking see. Anyway, she’s absolutely, unbelievably annoying—and she made the day hit the HFF within an hour. And she talks all the damn time—about things that have NOTHING to do with work. Normally I work with headphones in and the coworker knows she needs to bang on the wall or email me to get my attention. The chick from Main? She kept talking. I had both headphones in and I wasn’t looking at her and she was STILL TALKING. Annoying, fucking annoying.

All this together makes for a HFF day. So when the coworker emails me and tells me to “post something funny,” I almost decked her. I believe I instead sent a sarcastic email. I don’t recall.

We hashed this out after the chick from Main left—8PM. As I did her eye makeup (Seriously, I’m pissed off—partially at you—and you trust me to put makeup on your face? Crazy girl), we grouched and she told me to write about it. So yeah. There ya go. Hysterical, I know. I bet you’re all just rolling in your seats.

Stupid day.

Is it that surprising that this is the only thing that made me laugh today?

Busy. Very busy today. Lots of stuff to do.

Going to the bar now for vodka.

Yes, I know it’s not yet 5PM.

The coworker and I do not care.

Because I know you’re bored…. McSweeney Recommends.

The coworker and I spent the day at the main office with the Boss. Surprisingly, it wasn’t too bad. The Boss’ wife is being fazed out of the company (we think), and so she wasn’t at the meeting… which means no marital fighting. A bad, bad thing in the workplace. There wasn’t any yelling or being mean AND we got to eat Thai food again. Bliss. 🙂

However, there was one little incident… I was discussing this new (terrible, very bad, no good) program that the Boss wanted me to get and use to design the images of the report covers we give away on one of our sites. I despise this program. You can only use it on PCs and it’s just very… icky. And I can design these covers freehand, so my response was “WTF?”

Anyway, so I was saying, “Well, I don’t really like it. I designed the basic cover using the program, then I had to take it into ImageReady and fuck with it..” and OHMYGOD, I just said fuck to my boss. I was so appalled. I blushed and covered my mouth while the Boss, the general manager and the coworker busted out laughing. I couldn’t stop apologizing.

The GM looked at me and said, “Don’t worry. He [the Boss] cusses all the time.” The laughter continued.

Ten minutes later, the Boss used the f-word in a sentence, paused, looked at me and said, “Did I get you to start swearing?” More laughter ensued as I assured him that, no, he had not.

Yeah. It was one of those days… lol.

So I worked today.. woohoo, Saturday in the office. Kill me now. We ran labs, so we had the added bonus of having the Boss come down for a few hours. Eh. No fighting, and no yelling… but our workload increased significantly. Love that.

And then I just found out that NBC moved The West Wing to Sunday night. WTF?! That’s the night shows go to die.

Miserable corporate bastards…::::grumble, grumble::::

But I did get my oil changed today (only 1500 miles overdo)… and I got a discount. 😉

We have been on the same conference call since 9AM.

It’s 1230PM.. it doesn’t look like it’s stopping anytime soon.

I can’t get any other work done AND I am bored out of my mind.

Kill me.

It’s way too early. We are getting dressed and ready to head down to start this evil bitch. Hopefully food and, god-willing, coffee will be entering my bloodstream soon—very, very soon.

Argh. There’s no way this day is going to be a good day. So I am only hoping for it to be a short day.

From 7:00AM to 8:00PM—’cause you know we have to do dinner with the Boss.

I was going to write about something else, but I don’t remember. Mainly because it is the crackass of dawn and I haven’t had my coffee. So yeah, no more from me this morning.

Yes. The conference is upon us. We are leaving in about 45 minutes to be gone for three days. 🙁 I will have limited access to the Internet, so I might not be posting or replying as much. Very sad.

On a lighter note, these conferences normally cater to people who drink like fishes! Yay. 🙂 I will be getting wasted with old, rich men. Half of whom are German. Yeah. No idea. Should be a tale to tell later, though. 😉

UPDATE, 2:30: Boss is being a giant asshole. I am two fucking seconds from quitting. Must find cigarettes and vodka now.

Apparently, in my previous life:

I was a whore.
I killed and ate babies.
I tortured people for hours with bamboo sticks under their nails and rusty nails in their feet.

Either that, or God just really, really, really hates me.

A lot.

Boss? Crazy.

Job? Insane.

The desire to quit? Overwhelming.

Vodka? Ahhh, the clarity.

The coworker and I celebrated the soft launch of our latest website by spending three hours at the bar. There were martinis, vodka on the rocks and lemon drop shots—oh, and we did have some nachos… just to balance it out. Mind you, the tab only came to around $20… the waiter adores the coworker, and therefore inordinately undercharged us.

It was a long day, to say the least. And honestly, I think what got us through it was a) the wonderful, fabulous, on-the-spot IT department, and b) the knowledge that we would be drinking on the boss’ tab. Which we did. Quite well.

All in all, the day was quite insane. However, we finally (both of us) came out and told the second-in-charge (kinda) that we were thinking of leaving. I think she was a little surprised, but not much… she promised to make it better and handle the Boss. Apparently he is driving them insane as well, and they are hoping to get him out to see clients more often—lots of traveling for him is always, always better for us.

Still, we are polishing the resumes and eyeing the job market—after all, it never hurts to know all your options.

I am sitting in a meeting… he is standing in front of me and we are looking at information using a projector.

He and I just got into it again. He wants changes on a fucking website that we are supposed to launch Monday. And I am trying to explain that the programmers will need time to change things and he says, “You have to understand how to manage. You’re in charge. They have to get it done by Monday.”

Hi people… it’s fucking 11:30 on a Thursday! There are corruption files with the site already, so the programmers are scrambling to fix that (mind you, these programmers are in a different state—lucky bastards—and they work for the CMS that we don’t even fucking pay for) and it takes TIME to write new programming info and they don’t work on weekends. Hello?!

So then I try to explain this, and he says (getting all heated), “You shouldn’t worry about your personal relationship with [name of one guy].”

I replie, “That has nothing to do with anything. This is a programming thing that TAKES TIME. And I’m not even dealing with [that guy], I’m dealing with [head programmer guy].”

So he said, “I don’t care if it’s with [insert first guy name, second guy name, and five other random names]. They have to get it done. If they say “No,” you have to call me immediately and I will call their boss and it WILL GET DONE.”

I replied, “It’s not that they tell me ‘No,’ it’s that there is a time factor. AND, the real problem is that every. single. time. they try to get stuff done RIGHT NOW, it ends up breaking and causing problems. We don’t want that. We need it to work right the first time.”

His response?

“No, we need to start making money.”

I. FUCKING. HATE. MY. BOSS.

This, btw, is one of those “I will not cry” days. Also known as, “I will get to have a cigarette and a large glass of vodka when this is over.”