Yes. Everyone. You and you and you too. I am hearing it from all the people I know lately. They all are feeling.. needy. One wants a tongue ring, one wants an Indonesian princess (kinda), one wants a bad boy, one wants one far away and one wants Clooney. (Yes, I am in that list too—deal.)
So we need a plan here people. It’s crunch time.
What are we gonna do?
I think my toaster is broken. Kaput. Finished. I put a piece of bread in there, along with an egg dish (it’s a toaster oven) and then I jumped in the shower. The egg dish had already cooked most of the way through, so I tossed some jalapenos and cheese on top and left it in the oven. (So the cheese would melt as the bread toasted.. come on, don’t get bogged down with the details, stay with me here.)
The toaster did not turn off! WTF! So as I am toweling off I think, hmm, something is.. burning? Yes, the bread/toast was now a smoking charcoal lump, and the smoke was billowing from the edges of the toaster. In my good sense (read: stupid), I opened the toaster to drag out the offending slice and lo and behold, the smoking got worse. Now I am frantically running about the apartment, opening windows and checking the ceiling fans, hoping to god that the fire alarm doesn’t go off.
It didn’t.
Now I am concerned. At which point will a fire alarm actually go off? The damn thing was maybe ten feet from the toaster and it just sat there, doing nothing. This all happened 20 minutes ago—there is still a thin haze in my apartment and the damn thing still hasn’t gone off.
Is it broken? Has it died? Is this normal? Anyone?!
I’ve had MSN messenger for awhile now. I use it mainly for work to talk to the CMS people, but also to talk to my cousins. I’ve never had AIM or used iChat.. appalling, I know. I never saw the need, and there are way too many people I know on AIM that would instantly harass me if I got on.
One of the bosses has AIM. She thought it would be best if we used iChat to get stuff done faster—excellent point, of course.
I signed up. I signed on. I had three people IM me.. what the f?! Do they get some kind of alert that I am here?! I have six chatting windows open. I am a typing machine right now.
Oh the madness, the madness.
Your word is BUGGER. You are generally quite
restrained, but sometimes your anger or
frustration come to the surface and it all
comes out. Yet you somehow can’t stop sounding
polite, despite it all.
Which Swear (Curse) Word Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Huh. I figured I’d be more of a Shit person, but OK, bugger it is.
As supplied by the coworker (who asked the questions) and her friend (who supplied the answers). The coworker, you see, recently broke up with her longtime boyfriend (of six years) and is slowly beginning to date other people. Unfortunately, having dated one guy almost her entire lifetime of dating, she is having some trouble adjusting to being single, and, obviously, is unclear about where the boundaries of a single girl (who is not a whore) should be.
This was taken directly from her email. We laughed quite loudly, and you will, no doubt, enjoy it.
——————
Question Number One:
At what point do we as single women give in to sex? Like if you’re hanging out with someone consistently that you have ri – DICK – ulously hot chemistry with – how do you keep holding back?
Answer:
OK, here goes: this is a tricky question that all single and fabulASS women must answer themselves. My feeling is this: it is very difficult to be around someone that you have a lot of chemistry with and still be good… and to be frank, there’s only so much kissing that you can do without going further.
For me, I need to know if they’re dating anyone else, if they’re sleeping with anyone else, what their intentions are with me, and obviously if there is a good amount of respect shown for me by the guy—however this is never a guarantee—because, sad but true, guys can put on a good show and then once they sleep with you, can act totally different. (Honestly, I don’t even think they always intentionally do this…it’s subconscious manly instinct to feel that he has conquered once he has slipped the d!cky in.) Anyway, it all depends on how comfortable you are with the guy and how you think he will treat you afterwards.
Question Number Two [In three parts, ahem]:
And if you can’t, when is it officially not whore-y to have sex? When you know that even if the sex doesn’t continue you can maintain a friendship with the person? Furthermore, how do you balance having sex consistently with someone yet not being serious with them?
Answer:
OK, again a very tricky question… one that everyone probably has their own opinion on. My thing with this is: having sex with one person consistently is not easy to do if you’re not ready to be in a relationship with them, or at least develop feelings for them. It takes some experience to be able to detatch yourself from the sex, because with sex, comes natural jealousy and entitlement.
For example: “Why isn’t he answering my call? Why hasn’t he called? Why is he calling me at 2 in the am? Does he think I’m just a booty call? Who is he out with tonight? I wonder if he’s sleeping with the girl that he went out with?” Blah Blah Blah.. Very very very tricky… thats why, in a weird way, P and C were perfect for this role, because I really didn’t care… and strangely enough, that is the only time I would recommend doing it. I mean I care about them as people, but if you could see yourself developing feelings for someone, DO NOT fool yourself into thinking that you can sleep with them and not want to be in a relationship with them.
Question Number Three:
And still leave the possibility open to date others and have sex with them!@#!@… what is a girl-who-is-not-a-whore to do?
Answer:
OK, last one… this is also tricky. I personally do not like to consistently sleep with someone and then sleep with someone else in between… not because I think it’s whorish…because I myself do not feel comfortable with it, and that’s the main concern in all of the above questions. However, we usually learn what we’re comfortable with from being in a situation that we’re not comfortable with, so with that said..
I have done it before… and I didn’t like the way I felt about it. So… to bring us back to self control… this is another reason why it’s important, because… if there is someone else that you are interested in sleeping with, then you need to think about whether you really want to start consistently sleeping with the other person? Got it? Got it. good.
Basically girl… every situation is going to be different, and that’s why you can’t make “rules” for yourself, because there are always going to be different circumstances that are involved. It’s just important to think these things over when the d!ck in question is not around, because you will justify why it is OK for you to f*ck it, and then realize you were wrong. Last piece of advice… never ever ever shave your kooch for the first and second date [Yes, this was in the email—I had to keep it whole]… that has been my self control for 7 years and it works like a charm. hahahahahahahaha
Question Number Four: One last question … can we please be whores in Canada?
Answer: P.S I would LOVE for us to be whores in Montreal, different countries equate the fact that nothing is considered whorish!
Love you and looking forward to meeting the insider.
——————
Um, so, yes, this was the topic of conversation at work today.
It’s highly, highly entertaining.
My friend E came to visit this weekend—she’s a party and a half. We just got back from the bar.. where after one drink, we were served two free ones. Ah yes, the insider does very well with bartenders. Maybe it’s the flirting..? Hmmm….
But that’s not the most interesting part… teehee. E is now trying to cajole her very straight-laced boyfriend (who lives several states away) into participating in a, shall we say, “interesting” phone conversation. Fortunately my place has enough space that I cannot hear her… all that well. LOL.
I want to work for Google.
They give awesome benefits: yoga, fitness center, massage room… and free gourmet meals during work. Hook. me. up. (And the guest and the outsider, as they eat a surprising amount of food.)
So why am I bringing this up? Because Google is holding a competition to hire two new chefs! Chefs who cook with organic ingredients for both carnivores and VEGETARIANS! Yay!
Seriously people, how awesome is this company?
It’s in Mountain View, CA. When you visit (to write about it or whatnot) you get Google boxer shorts as a parting gift. They have a wall mural of the company’s rise.. in crayon. There are toys like scooters and a pool table—for them to play with. They serve cereal: 13 different kinds, including Lucky Charms… this is in addition to the gourmet food in the ultra-cool cafeteria. And they all went to see the new Harry Potter movie—together.
I completely work for the wrong company… I am a Googler. These are my people.
The outsider has had a tough week. After many days of on again, off again with her boyfriend, she finally bit the bullet and called it quits. For now.
But that in itself is not that interesting. No, what happened last night is interesting, but I felt the need to preface the story.
Last night she went to a big party for the mayor in her hometown—with an old friend. (One, who according to her mother, “has been trying to get inside your pants for 10 years.”—that would be funnier if you could hear her accent, but anyway) After a stressful week that included the breakup and her insane, crazy job driving her batty, she decided it was time for some fun. But, she told herself, she would only have two glasses of red wine—that’s it. No more.
Pfft. That plan backfired. Following multiple vodka and crans and a conversation with a friend of her ex that ended in tears (and half a bottle of gin), she was plowed and exhausted. Not being able to drive home, she stayed with the old friend. Heads out of the gutter folks. Nothing like that.
Awaking at dawn, he drove her to her car—which she had parked near where the party was the night before—and she headed home. As she began to check her messages, she was astonished to hear a message from the local police department. After finding her car (in a not-so-great part of town) around 3 AM, with what they assumed was her purse inside, they called her home to see if she was missing. And her mother went down to the police station… at 3 AM.
Fortunately, her mother is a smart woman and said, “Well, she was at this party and her purse probably just didn’t match her dress, so she left it in the car.” Smart momma.
Honestly it was just a big bag, not her purse (which she smartly put in the center console), but isn’t it nice that the cops found her car and were worried? Makes you feel safe, right?
Yeah. Not so much.
New rule. Breakups + booze + cops = not so good.
LOL.