August 18th, 2005

the single gal’s guide… as emailed

As supplied by the coworker (who asked the questions) and her friend (who supplied the answers). The coworker, you see, recently broke up with her longtime boyfriend (of six years) and is slowly beginning to date other people. Unfortunately, having dated one guy almost her entire lifetime of dating, she is having some trouble adjusting to being single, and, obviously, is unclear about where the boundaries of a single girl (who is not a whore) should be.

This was taken directly from her email. We laughed quite loudly, and you will, no doubt, enjoy it.

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Question Number One:

At what point do we as single women give in to sex? Like if you’re hanging out with someone consistently that you have ri – DICK – ulously hot chemistry with – how do you keep holding back?

Answer:

OK, here goes: this is a tricky question that all single and fabulASS women must answer themselves. My feeling is this: it is very difficult to be around someone that you have a lot of chemistry with and still be good… and to be frank, there’s only so much kissing that you can do without going further.

For me, I need to know if they’re dating anyone else, if they’re sleeping with anyone else, what their intentions are with me, and obviously if there is a good amount of respect shown for me by the guy—however this is never a guarantee—because, sad but true, guys can put on a good show and then once they sleep with you, can act totally different. (Honestly, I don’t even think they always intentionally do this…it’s subconscious manly instinct to feel that he has conquered once he has slipped the d!cky in.) Anyway, it all depends on how comfortable you are with the guy and how you think he will treat you afterwards.

Question Number Two [In three parts, ahem]:

And if you can’t, when is it officially not whore-y to have sex? When you know that even if the sex doesn’t continue you can maintain a friendship with the person? Furthermore, how do you balance having sex consistently with someone yet not being serious with them?

Answer:

OK, again a very tricky question… one that everyone probably has their own opinion on. My thing with this is: having sex with one person consistently is not easy to do if you’re not ready to be in a relationship with them, or at least develop feelings for them. It takes some experience to be able to detatch yourself from the sex, because with sex, comes natural jealousy and entitlement.

For example: “Why isn’t he answering my call? Why hasn’t he called? Why is he calling me at 2 in the am? Does he think I’m just a booty call? Who is he out with tonight? I wonder if he’s sleeping with the girl that he went out with?” Blah Blah Blah.. Very very very tricky… thats why, in a weird way, P and C were perfect for this role, because I really didn’t care… and strangely enough, that is the only time I would recommend doing it. I mean I care about them as people, but if you could see yourself developing feelings for someone, DO NOT fool yourself into thinking that you can sleep with them and not want to be in a relationship with them.

Question Number Three:

And still leave the possibility open to date others and have sex with them!@#!@… what is a girl-who-is-not-a-whore to do?

Answer:

OK, last one… this is also tricky. I personally do not like to consistently sleep with someone and then sleep with someone else in between… not because I think it’s whorish…because I myself do not feel comfortable with it, and that’s the main concern in all of the above questions. However, we usually learn what we’re comfortable with from being in a situation that we’re not comfortable with, so with that said..

I have done it before… and I didn’t like the way I felt about it. So… to bring us back to self control… this is another reason why it’s important, because… if there is someone else that you are interested in sleeping with, then you need to think about whether you really want to start consistently sleeping with the other person? Got it? Got it. good.

Basically girl… every situation is going to be different, and that’s why you can’t make “rules” for yourself, because there are always going to be different circumstances that are involved. It’s just important to think these things over when the d!ck in question is not around, because you will justify why it is OK for you to f*ck it, and then realize you were wrong. Last piece of advice… never ever ever shave your kooch for the first and second date [Yes, this was in the email—I had to keep it whole]… that has been my self control for 7 years and it works like a charm. hahahahahahahaha

Question Number Four: One last question … can we please be whores in Canada?

Answer: P.S I would LOVE for us to be whores in Montreal, different countries equate the fact that nothing is considered whorish!

Love you and looking forward to meeting the insider.

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Um, so, yes, this was the topic of conversation at work today.

It’s highly, highly entertaining.