January 27th, 2007choose your friends wisely
With the Porkchop out of town, I’ve been spending some time catching up with friends… friends who I’ve known ever since I moved out here, who have since graduated and moved. So today I went up to Boston for some shopping and dinner with E.
We met her “boyfriend” for dinner. I put it in quotes because according to her they haven’t decided what to call this thing that they are doing… they like each other, they spend all their time with each other, they basically live together, but calling it something would be just too much, too soon, lol.
At dinner, her guy and I ended up laughing over which of her friends don’t like us (me, for no real reason, and him because he’s apparently a little “crass”). During this conversation, I brought up his old roommate, who, if you remember, did this to me last May.
He looked at me, stunned.
You mean you don’t.
I in turn, looked at him, stunned.
Are you kidding?
You don’t have it? I thought you did. E said..
And we both looked at her.
E, what’s he talking about? What does he think I’m sick? You did tell her [his roommate], didn’t you? You told me you told her and to stop lying about it and that you talked to him [her guy] and that..
OK, it’s my fault. You shouldn’t be mad at her [the roommate], I thought you were. I heard it from such-and-such professor and..
What? I told you. We’ve talked about this. You know that I had an allergic reaction. E, what’s going on?
At this point she claimed sickness and headed to the bathroom.
I stared into my drink, wondering if this is what shock felt like.
I’m really angry right now, he said. I don’t know what’s going on, but I guess now isn’t the time to talk about it.
I’m so angry right now, I said, but I don’t really know what to say. I’ve talked to her, she knew, I asked her to set your roommate straight and she said she did. I don’t really know what to say right now.
She came back, claiming to have thrown up, saying it was the tequila or the fish tacos, and we paid and left.
He and I talked on the way back to the car, about mundane things, the weather, the walk and the crazy streets of Cambridge.
She was mostly quiet.
As I drove home, I felt an unbelievable sense of loss.
I am devastated, crushed and still in shock.
I guess I always thought I knew how to pick good friends. We’ve known each other for almost four years. We traveled together to Ireland, I’ve seen her through three boyfriends and the loss of a good friend, and while I knew she had a tendency for embellishment, it never occurred to me that she would so blatantly lie to my face.
And not just once, but several times.
I’ve been running a list of questions in my mind all night… did I make her mad somehow? did I embarass her? did I hurt her in any way? Every answer I have is no.
What I do know is that those who lie always have a reason. Not a good one, not even one that makes sense, but a reason. And in cases where it’s so incredibly hurtful and false, it can only be because that person is trying to not only hurt the other, irrevocably, but to discredit them as well.
I don’t know what I did, or why she is jealous? or angry? or just plain mad? But I do know that at that moment, when I realized that she had been lying to me and about me for months, I felt completely and utterly alone.
want me to cut her boss?
Comment by wendykat — January 28, 2007 @ 4:20 am
Yes. Cut her.
She just sent this email:
I have NO idea what to say to that.
Comment by the insider — January 28, 2007 @ 12:36 pm
My thoughts would be this-
You made the choice to not be friends when you lied. You are right your actions were childish. It is not that you jumped to conclusions or made assumptions. It is that you knew the truth, and apparently decided that it didn’t matter. I am glad i found out sooner rather than later the type of person you are. Do take this as a response that i no longer wish to be friends.
That is what i would say. Honestly i would probably use a few 4 letter words but all in all cutting ties would be the best thing. Sorry i know how devastating crap like this can be. Call me later if you want! Love you
Comment by The Sister — January 28, 2007 @ 1:15 pm
I guess the issue is that I don’t really have it in me to respond.. mainly because I know that this is just another lie.
And to be honest, I’m almost positive that he yelled at her and so she’s doing this to prove something to him.
So no matter what I say, she will lie about it.
That being said, I have no idea how to respond, or even if I want too.
Comment by the insider — January 28, 2007 @ 1:48 pm
I’m sorry! When i met her i would never have thought she would do this. The only good thing from it is that you found out now rather than later on. The bad part is that you have no idea what else she has lied about and what she has lied to others about.
On a positive note Porkchop should be home now so you should be warmer when you sleep. 🙂
Call me later if you want, love you!!
Comment by The Sister — January 28, 2007 @ 10:41 pm
i wouldn’t bother responding to her. just cut her out of your life. if you are still friends with the guy then just hang out with him without her, it may be difficult, but perhaps he’ll understand. i don’t know.
give me her address… i’m back in march. i’ll do the job then.
Comment by wendykat — January 29, 2007 @ 8:34 am
I’m vacillating with that. He and I were never good friends, and since I don’t want to deal with him “pressing her case,” so to speak, I doubt I’ll keep in touch.
And lol, will do. 😉
Comment by the insider — January 29, 2007 @ 9:25 am
1. Stop trying to figure out what you did wrong, as you didn’t. Her callousness is not something that you caused, so don’t worry about it.
2. You should absolutely respond to her, whether you have it in you or not. Don’t ignore this and hope that it will go away. Send her an email, acknowledge her response, tell her that you no longer want to be friends and ask her not to contact you again. You don’t have to be spiteful or mean-spirited about it, but you do need to do it to give yourself closure.
3. As to why she lied, she probably wanted to feel important, or likes to gossip, or was jealous that some boy she had feelings for liked you so she did what she thought would make that boy not like you anymore. Whatever her reasons, they’re her shit so let it be. If you pick up someone else’s shit, you deserve it. My advice is that you let her wallow in it and walk away clean.
Comment by grampa — January 29, 2007 @ 1:09 pm
Grampa.. I realize I didn’t cause it, but something that happened had to have caused this, and I really wonder why.
No matter. I responded:
I’m hoping that does it. I really don’t ever want to deal with it again.
Comment by the insider — January 29, 2007 @ 7:15 pm
And she responded:
Personally, I really like how she doesn’t tell me why.
Do I have to respond to this or can I be done now?
Comment by the insider — January 30, 2007 @ 9:21 am
i think you can be done now. she’s not going to tell you why she’s a dumb bitch, but at least now you know she is…
Comment by wendykat — January 30, 2007 @ 3:19 pm
Be done. Close your eyes, imagine her sliding under a gas truck and tasting her own blood, scream Die! a couple of times and then never think about her again.
Comment by grampa — January 30, 2007 @ 3:19 pm
Wen.. lol. good point I suppose.
Grampa.. Um.. raging out a bit today, lol?
Comment by the insider — January 30, 2007 @ 4:51 pm