Today is my due date, and no, before you ask, the baby is not currently outside of my womb. In fact, I’m actually quite normal—the average is 10 days past your damn due date for first time mothers.

That, however, does not stop every. single. person. from asking me every. single. day. if I’ve had the baby. I shit you not. I have saved the emails and text messages and now I am refusing to answer the goddamn phone. I honestly thought nothing could get worse than being still pregnant, but OH NO, found it!

The real issue is the people who are clients. Quite frankly, I know their concern is will their work get done. Sure, sure, they care a little about the actual baby and all that, but the reality is: will I leave them in the lurch?! Even after I’ve assured everyone everything will still get done, they’ve decided, in their crazy little brains, it won’t. EVEN THOUGH LAST YEAR I GOT MARRIED AND EVERYTHING STILL GOT DONE.

I was supposed to be at the hospital an hour and a half ago to be induced (he’s big and long and blah blah, I don’t want to go over and be forced into a C section) — they called at 5AM to say they were pushing me back a few hours.

“We had lots of women go into labor last night.”
Oh that’s nice for them. *bitches*
*laughter* “Oh I’m sure we’ll see you soon! We’ll call around 730.”

Frankly I slept like shit, so at 730 I was just staring at the clock. I got up to shower, the phone rang… more active labor people and suddenly my inducement is bumped to tomorrow. Sigh.

I’m trying to look at this as a positive. October baby, yay! Another day of being stressed, boo. Friday birth, way better than Thursday work-wise, yay. Another night of barely sleeping, possibly getting up at 5 to hear I’m not going in again, boo.

Awesome, yes? Pregnancy. Woot.

It’s been over nine months and I’ve finally managed to legally change my name. I hyphenated, but of course, and yet it’s taken me ages to a) get the marriage license, b) get to the social security office, c) get to the DMV and d) get to the bank. I actually think men instituted this bullshit system because of the shit we put them through during wedding planning, lol. Surprisingly the DMV was a piece of cake—I actually hadn’t finished filling out the paperwork before they called my number. The bank, on the other hand, took two very long, very irritating hours. Who knew changing your name and putting someone else on your account was so much work?

For even more fun, when I went to the post office to drop off a package, the woman behind the desk asked if I was having twins. I chuckled and said, uh no. And she said, oh my! Well you’re just all belly! And it’s huge! And then she must’ve realized she sounded rude, because she apologized… while calling someone from the back to come see my giant stomach. Kill me now. I totally get why women used to go into “hiding” during the last few weeks of their pregnancy. I realize, yes, I am really sticking out—I am 39 weeks pregnant today after all—but seriously, rude much?

They said it best on Let’s Panic About Babies!

Here’s the thing: the last month of pregnancy sucks balls and there’s nothing you can do about it but have a good cry. There, there, this will all be over soon. Here, I think I have an Altoid in my purse.

My god, you’re huge.

I’ve actually had a pretty good streak of luck (karma? god?) lately.

I received a ticket for going 60 in a 45 (in a tunnel, on the way to the airport, with my mom in the car), but the officer filled it out wrong (or purposely did) and so it was considered void. Which was nice, because it could’ve been $367. That was part of the issue—it didn’t have an amount in the $ box. And his handwriting? SO BAD. Plus he walked out in front of my car to wave me over. Hi, dude almost went over the hood of my car.

Today was the last day for the Chop to work at his full-time job. We’ll be adding them to our stable of contract clients, and now he’ll be home all day — doing the work that has been making us have late nights for months (hello midnight, I see you SO often). The dog will be thrilled beyond belief and frankly so will I. It’s painful to work flat-out all day long and still have to share what I didn’t get done with him for the evening. We’re hoping that with two of us, we can go back to regular hours (until the baby comes, YES I KNOW). 😛

We’ve managed to launch two massive projects that have been taking up hours and hours of time. The last one went live today and I am so happy it’s live. I think the baby might’ve been hanging on until we were done because he knew I would go insane otherwise.

On the other hand, I AM STILL PREGNANT.

Tomorrow marks 38 weeks of pregnancy, and if you wanted to know, 38 weeks hurts so much more than 35. I don’t know what I was complaining about before. He has somewhat dropped (this is what the doctor said, very encouragingly) and so now the pain in my pelvis is even more excruciating. My cervix is still closed (of course it is), but he has also gained some more weight… and now they are talking scheduled C-section. Apparently he is long and big and I have a small pelvis, meaning his shoulders could get stuck and they’d have to do an emergency C-section or he’d suffer from shoulder dysplasia. I have an ultrasound on Monday and then they confer and decide what to do. From this point, it looks like we schedule it at my due date (although I am thinking October 1) and if I come before, we give regular delivery a go.

Not. enjoying. life. right. now.

I realize it’s bad to hope you go into labor early, but by early, I don’t mean really early, I mean 37 weeks. Or 36. Or 35. Sadly, my baby is a bum and has decided he wants to stick around inside for awhile longer.

This marks the second week of visiting the OBGYN, having her stick her hand up there (and feel his head) and say, “Nope, hasn’t dropped, your cervix is closed.” Aside from being uncomfortable (she can feel his head), it’s quite depressing every time. I’m beyond ready to have the inside of my body back — and to sleep, even if it’s fits and spurts, comfortably.