August 28th, 2007i hate: the dmv, the town, the tax people and reggie hates the cone
Right before my parents come to town I always get my car detailed. And it’s especially important now that Regina thinks cars are the best things in the world.
I got a call from the dealership I took it to about an hour ago. They wanted to put some emissions tags or something on it and I said, yes, please. Then they called me back. Did I know my tags were expired? They couldn’t put the emissions tags on it until I fixed that.
Confused, I got online looking for registration renewal in my state.
OK, online it says registration is good for two years, so since I got the car in ’05, I should be only a few months behind. Damn, why didn’t they contact me?
I go to renew online, and lo and behold, since it’s over three months expired, I’m not allowed.
So I call the DMV, whereupon I am directed to four separate automated lists (press 10 should be the suicide hotline). When I finally do get a person, she tells me that my registration did expire in May… of FREAKING 2006.
Shit, I think, wtf?
She tells me that in this state (which I now loathe and think should die) the registration renewal is sent to the town you live in, not you (already I’m thinking this is the stupidest thing ever) so that you can pay your taxes before you get your new tags.
Taxes? ‘Scuse me? I’m fucking moving to my own island with no damn taxes, is all I’m thinking at this point.
So I sigh, and call the town hall of where I lived last year.
And the tax lady tells me I owe $387 and it needs to be in cash and I should come today because interest is assessed at 18%. What. the. fuck.
You have to be kidding, I say to her.
No, we don’t take personal checks. [Figures I get a joker.]
Well, I said, I never received notice so I would like to know how to fight the interest. I will pay whatever the tax is, but I should not have to pay interest.
Oh you can’t fight that, everyone always pays the interest. And we did send out a notice.
To where? I never received one.
She reads off the address of my first apartment in Warren. The one I moved from in June of ’05.
I don’t live there anymore, I say. I haven’t lived there in years! (All the while fuming at the mean woman below me who, upon buying the house from her dad who loved me, kicked me out to move in her good-for-nothing nephew. Now the house is purple-not kidding-and his stupid giant truck is perpetually parked in the yard. Yeah, real keeper.)
Well that is the address we have on file and you have to pay this or you can’t get registration for your car. It’s not our fault you didn’t notify us when you moved.
I didn’t know I had too. I don’t even know what you people do. Why do I have to pay taxes to a town FOR A CAR?!
This conversation was not going anywhere, and at this point I was in tears.
The woman was now telling me that I should call my new town because I probably owe taxes there, too.
Great, I say. Thanks, bye.
And I hung up.
And proceeded to slam my fist into a wall. Good times all around.
Fortunately I owe the new town nothing… yet. I’ll get a notice in June. What the hell kind of sadistic practice is this to tax people when they get a new car?! Shouldn’t we be encouraging the economy, not penalizing people? What the hell?
So I did what everyone does in this situation (primarily everyone who can’t drink or smoke or do anything that makes it all go away)—I called my mom.
And through my tears raged about the government and how I didn’t want this car and I want my old one and oh my god, no WONDER people go into debt, what the hell!
Because the sum total of what I will be shelling out? Right around $500. For the taxes and the new registration, which won’t come for a month and if I get a ticket, I’ll have to pay that too.
How I haven’t gotten pulled over before this is beyond me. I almost wish I had, because then I would’ve had less interest.
Because they do interest like this: let’s say it was originally $50. And then I don’t pay for a month, so that’s $9 at 18% interest now that I owe. But then it gets more fun, because the interest isn’t on the original amount, oh no, it’s on the total due. So now it’s $59 plus 18% interest, so that’s $69.62.
.. So I just spent 10 minutes on an Excel sheet and I think it originally cost $35. THIRTY-FIVE FREAKING DOLLARS.
And now i owe $387.
That. is. bullshit.
Update: Apparently it was originally $245 and the tax lady was wrong about how interest was assessed.
Whatever, I still owe a ridiculous amount.
You live in Mass., right? The joy of excise taxes, which are ostensibly used to pay for road repairs, maintenance, etc. Which I find amusing, considering the abhorrent conditions of most roads in this state.
Ah, the joys of Taxachusetts. How I love thee, and yet how I loathe thee.
Comment by Jen — August 28, 2007 @ 1:22 pm
Kinda MA, but yeah similar. Here she called them personal property car taxes. Or as I prefer to call them, up your ass taxes.
I mean seriously.
Comment by the insider — August 28, 2007 @ 2:08 pm
wow. you should take a gander at the taxes here in the UK. lame. did you just buy a tv? well now you get to pay a tv tax (it pays for the bbc). there is a road tax (literally so you drive on the road). motor insurance tax. council taxes (based on what your house was thought to be worth in the 90’s even if your house was built after then [apparently the first one was based on how many windows you had on your house, more windows=larger house=more tax]). national insurance tax (it can be like 5% of your income). VAT (value added tax, sort of like sales tax, but not). don’t forget income tax (4k-39k is roughly 20%, anything over 39k is 50% tax)…
yea. i think this explains why the brits are so stiff, they have the entire arm of the government up their asses.
Comment by wendykat — August 28, 2007 @ 3:45 pm
oh, there are more. the hubby is still explaining more to me. i am so glad we’re going back to the US in three years.
oh god. we’re laughing… apparently vat is 17% on pretty much everything… EXCEPT… get this. FROZEN PIZZA. oh. my. god.
Comment by wendykat — August 28, 2007 @ 3:48 pm
Wen.. ohmygosh, thank you, that was the ONLY time I smiled today, LOL. Frozen pizza? Is it because it’s just so bad that the government feels bad taxing it? Like, damn, you’re so hard up you’re buying frozen pizza? Here, just keep the tax, we feel too bad.
Their taxes suck.. definitely move back here, but ignore the NE and CA. Go somewhere where taxes don’t exist. Your own island, perhaps.
Comment by the insider — August 28, 2007 @ 5:44 pm
Nope, there are taxes on the islands. Like a 6.8 percent state income tax and a 4.167 percent excise tax (that’s a tax on EVERY transaction).
Comment by grampa — August 29, 2007 @ 12:24 am
By the way, no state that I’ve ever lived in had car registration that lasted more than one year. I don’t think that there are any, either. No way a state would give up the right to fuck you in the ass, and make you pay for, on an every year basis. It just doesn’t make financial sense. And then, if you don’t re-up your registration, they get to give you tickets, thus increasing the revenue stream.
It really is brilliant, in a demonic money making sort of way, true, but brilliant nonetheless.
Comment by grampa — August 29, 2007 @ 5:46 pm
In the great state of WA, your renewal is for two years. TWO.
Here, after the first eight months (wtf?) you renew for two years as well.
I so loathe the government today.
Comment by the insider — August 29, 2007 @ 7:27 pm