To the Queen of the Badass Posse, and my star sibling… have a very happy birthday.

May you have a year filled with English delights and lots of good liquor.

;P

OK, so I’m basically still alive because I’m heavily medicated. I have three bottles of pills next to my bed and I take ’em all.. and I’m still, as the coworker put it, miserable.

But I’m having incredibly hysterical dreams—we’re talking doozies here people.

The best one was earlier today. I had a dream about some sort of political dinner that the president was at. His wife was speaking and at the end she said something about this being a lame duck year for the president… or will it be? “C’mon y’all,” she said, “Never say never or give up?”

Bill Clinton was on the one dais (there were two) where she was speaking and before anyone could say anything he said, “Well never say never but…” and then a bunch of gobbledy-gook about healthcare and education (i.e., I don’t remember, but it was profound).

Across the table from him Owen Wilson (no idea where he figures in) interjected to explain what Clinton was saying. Most of the audience then started nodding, but on the other dais, which was across the room, the president had a confused smile on his face.

Luke Wilson nudged Owen and said, “Now you need to explain it to their leader.” It was silent, but you could see people wanted to laugh.

Then I woke up laughing my ass off.

I also had a dream where I challenged Winston Churchill to a drinking competition (I appear to be stupid in my dreams…) and one where my sister and I were acrobats on a ferris wheel.

Ahhh the drugs.

No real update, just wanted to say hi and that I’m still alive.. kinda.

And I’m eating chicken. Lots and lots of chicken. I had forgotten how much I really don’t like the chicken. Sigh. My lab results apparently also said that my protein levels were way too low and they wanted me eating lots of protein.

There are problems with this: a) I’m not eating much of anything and b) what I normally eat for protein (vegetarian over here).. well, the thought revolts me. Fish? Gag. Tofu? Gag. Beans? Gag. Because of the massive amount of bile in my tissues (nice to say out loud, isn’t it? ;P), most foods, unless they are very bland, sound, smell and taste gross. Hence the not eating.

The other problem is that I’m homebound and don’t have giant stores of groceries and protein things lying about.

Enter, the coworker, who not only went grocery shopping for me (buying lots of chicken products), she came and made soup, stripped a rotisserie chicken for sandwiches and hardboiled some eggs. The coworker is a saint. 🙂

Hopefully by next week my lab results will say “oo, she’s eating her protein,” because damn am I eating protein. Chicken soup, chicken salad, chicken sandwiches… I miss my vegetarianism.

And I’m sick of chicken.

So my bilirubin went down… by .freaking3 or so. Apparently last week it was at 24.7, but no one noticed the typo. So maybe it went down by 1.1, but still… that’s nothing.

Everyone has reassured me that the reason the weekend was so bad (holy mother of drugs) was probably because the bili peaked—their guess? Somewhere around 32-34—and now it’s starting it’s decline. I can only hope and pray that it will decline swiftly… and not 1.1 a week. Then I will die.

I was just reminded that my mom’s birthday is in a couple of weeks, so now I must start shopping. Oy.

They cancelled The West Wing.

It was inevitable, ratings were slipping, etc., but it has remained my favorite show for a long time.

I can’t imagine that they could’ve replaced John Spencer, and putting someone else in the Bartlett White House would not have been half as entertaining, but I will still really miss the show. Spencer, Sheen, Whitford, Shiff, Janney, Hill, and Moloney… and even Lowe… were excellent actors who’s lines were written smart and witty.

Now I’m all sad and going to find a cookie.

So healthwise there’s no update.. except that I’m grouchy because I don’t sleep well. Yeah.

In other news, this guy has kept me laughing for the past couple of weeks. Found him thanks to her of course.

The evil phentermine spammers are back.. I’m getting about one a day. WTF? They’re getting stopped at moderation, but it’s still highly irritating. Anybody ever have a problem with them and know a way to make them go away?

Oh, and Google is being subpoenaed by the US government to provide “millions of Internet search records from Google Inc. and other prominent search firms.” It looks like everyone is concerned about how much info Google has about private citizens… but I’m more concerned about what the government will do with it. If they get those records, they now have a freaking treasure trove of free private information… obtained legally. Oy.

Yes, my bilirubin’s gone up again and I want to die. I thought I looked yellower… and I knew I was itchier, but I just thought that was because I had changed my meds.

And my mom left today.

I’m going to go cry now. And itch a lot. And then take some medication and hopefully it will knock me out of this fucked up hell I’m in.

Sorry, no good side, no up side, just down sides today.

Well, we went to the specialist yesterday, and if there’s one thing I can say, it’s that specialists make the world better.

First, his office staff was awesome, and when I started crying because I had lost another 10 pounds (OK, but come on people, 25 pounds in three weeks? WTF?), they were very nice and told me they’d seen lots of yellow people come in here and the doctor always made them better. And he is the best—apparently my dad’s best friend’s connections are phenomenal, because my specialist is the head of liver transplants at this clinic and he’s the foremost hepatologist in his field. So nice. 🙂

Anyway, sadly, they still don’t know what is wrong with me. 🙁 He thinks it’s one of two things: either I am severely allergic to the birth control (either the dye or the estrogen) or I have some sort of viral hepatitis. Either way, we may never know what I have or how I got it. People apparently get random viral hepatitis quite a lot, and very often they can never pinpoint what or why.

Fortunately, my ALTs and my ASTs are dropping (liver enzymes).. in other words, my liver is almost out of the woods, so to speak. However, my bilirubin is still quite high. He said that it might be “lagging” behind the others and it should start dropping soon. (ARGH)

So, I have better drugs now… woohoo… but I’m basically confined to home for two weeks until it drops and I stop itching. (The drugs knock me out, and the jaundice makes me really tired anyway.) I’m to go have blood tests every week for four weeks, then go back and see the specialist. Mind you, he gave me all his numbers, including home and email, and I’m to call whenever I want. 🙂 Nice guy.

That’s the news… not much, but hopefully this means I’ll be getting better soon. I’m still very yellow and itchy, but there’s no quick way out of that.

Bilirubin is now at 19.1, I had to honestly tell my mom that no, I am no longer a virgin and now they want to test me for HIV and send me to a liver specialist at a teaching hospital in Boston… if the MRI comes back with nothing.

Kill. me. now.

Dad is feeling better, I still don’t have bloodwork back (why they don’t work on Sundays is beyond me) and I’m still itchy and yellow. Sorry, nothing much else to report.

Except… so I’ve told my mom all about the Man (um.. hehe, love you), have introduced her to Desperate Housewives and Grey’s Anatomy and have frozen her little buns off here in Iceburgville. (Seriously, it had to be the freaking coldest weekend with a windchill that puts it at -7 when she’s here? Come on). Anyway, it’s been fun… except that I itch like crazy, am unbelievably exhausted all the damn time and want to jump off the nearest bridge.

And I’ve lost 15 pounds in two weeks… I’m not sure if it’s in my ass or not love, you’ll have to let me know. 😛

This is the most bizarre illness I have ever had, and if it doesn’t quit soon, I’m going to throw the worst tantrum on record. Swear to god.