Apparently, in my previous life:
I was a whore.
I killed and ate babies.
I tortured people for hours with bamboo sticks under their nails and rusty nails in their feet.
Either that, or God just really, really, really hates me.
A lot.
Have you heard this song?
This one?
And this one?
Now imagine two ladies belting these songs out while at work, reading the lyrics off different sites on the Internet and recording the entire thing on an iPod.
That was my day. 🙂
And then I found this really random, useless (but surprisingly entertaining) physics thing online: Playing with Levers
Yes, I am that much of a nerd. Let it go.
I then came across Gizoogle.com. It’s a website that translates other websites (and IM conversations) into gangsta speak. Weird, yes, but also funny as hell. This is a little taste of what the Insider would sound like Gizoogled.
Oh, and someone got to my site by searching for “my boss sucks” on MSN.
I’m number two. 🙂
There’s something to be said for irony.
Boss? Crazy.
Job? Insane.
The desire to quit? Overwhelming.
Vodka? Ahhh, the clarity.
The coworker and I celebrated the soft launch of our latest website by spending three hours at the bar. There were martinis, vodka on the rocks and lemon drop shots—oh, and we did have some nachos… just to balance it out. Mind you, the tab only came to around $20… the waiter adores the coworker, and therefore inordinately undercharged us.
It was a long day, to say the least. And honestly, I think what got us through it was a) the wonderful, fabulous, on-the-spot IT department, and b) the knowledge that we would be drinking on the boss’ tab. Which we did. Quite well.
All in all, the day was quite insane. However, we finally (both of us) came out and told the second-in-charge (kinda) that we were thinking of leaving. I think she was a little surprised, but not much… she promised to make it better and handle the Boss. Apparently he is driving them insane as well, and they are hoping to get him out to see clients more often—lots of traveling for him is always, always better for us.
Still, we are polishing the resumes and eyeing the job market—after all, it never hurts to know all your options.
There’s something that really bugs me, and I feel the need to share. I’m assuming by now everyone has used, or at least knows of, instant messenging. Yes? OK.
Does it bother anyone else when people go home and leave their computers on… while still logged in to IM? So there’s that stupid little clock there and an (Away) by their name, but they are STILL LOGGED IN. Technically.
The reason this drives me insane, you ask? Because I suffer from a need to IM said people and leave annoying little notes on their computer. However, one said person (I left notes on his computer last night..), has now replaced the typical auto-response of “I am away from my computer right now,” with… “Don’t you hate when people leave their computers on when they are really playing basketball!!! 🙂 ”
Yes. Yes I do.
So then I respond with pithy little phrases. Mainly, “Why didn’t you turn off your computer when you left today?” and “I swear to god, I will send an IM every 30 minutes… with unbelievably random information….” and “I am going to torture the shit out of you.”
I’m really quite sweet, aren’t I? 😉
I have this ongoing dream, that one day I will wake up and this won’t be my life.
Don’t get me wrong, I like my life. It’s interesting and entertaining; I have great friends and a wonderful family. But I wonder.
Had my life gone as planned (when I was 15), I would be married to a pastor, probably pregnant with our first child and quite possibly a missionary in a remote third world country. In college, I would have majored in history and Biblical studies. I would have sung in an a capella choir and joined the theatre troupe. I would have led Bible studies and married my high school sweetheart. My family would be inordinately proud of me and I would revel in being such a “good” person.
Appalling, isn’t it? Would you read my blog then? If I was self righteous and only watched “7th Heaven?” Yeah, I wouldn’t either.
As it is, I majored in communications. I edited the college paper and I watch anything that catches my fancy. I’m agnostic and not married, so a missionary, I’m not. My family loves me, but I disappoint them.
I don’t think I want the other life. Mine works for me.. but sometimes, when I’m having a bad day or I miss my family, I wonder.
No, I didn’t have a bad day. I just felt restless and listless and I don’t like that—it makes me wonder. And wondering, for me, is decidedly unhealthy.
*******************
And now I have read this over and I am appalled at how pathetic it sounds when I purge. I hate it when I’m whiny.
So you tell me. What path were you supposed to take? What were you going to be?
I have monarch butterflies at my house. They all started as green and white caterpillars. You see, I have milkweed in my gardens and the monarch caterpillars love it.
I was walking in front of my house when I noticed a green cocoon hanging on one of my windows. I looked around and saw one of the caterpillars being picked off by a bird to feed on.
I found some old glass jars with lids, and poked small air holes in the top and began collecting milkweed and caterpillars to protect them from the birds. I explained to the caterpillars what I was doing and they graciously accepted my offer of protection.
Except one. I came across one particularly large caterpillar named Leonard. Leonard absolutely refused to get into the jar. I tried to explain to Leonard what I was doing.
“I don’t care about that,†he said. He explained that if I put him in that jar he would turn into a butterfly and that he was perfectly happy being a caterpillar.
That’s what caterpillars do. They turn into butterflies. What was he thinking? I asked him how he was going to avoid becoming a butterfly.
“I’m going to stay right here, and while everyone else is spinning their cocoon, I’m going to enjoy life being a caterpillar.†Don’t you want to be a butterfly I asked? He explained that being a butterfly would be wonderful, but it just wasn’t for him. Leonard seemed convinced that not only could he avoid fate, but his plan of avoiding life’s beautiful gift was somehow better for him.
Alright then, I was tired from arguing. I finished helping the other caterpillars. They settled into their jars, safe and sound from the birds and started preparing for their transformation.
I happened to look over where Leonard had been, wondering what had become of my nonsensical friend. He was working away spinning himself a cocoon. I walked up to him and asked what he was doing; after all he was so convinced he didn’t want to become a butterfly. He didn’t respond. He was totally absorbed in spinning his cocoon.
A little while later, I saw Leonard’s cocoon in a completed state. It quivered. Then it cracked on one side. The new Leonard climbed out. Leonard was a beautiful butterfly with bright blue and purple wings. He stretched his giant beautiful wings out to dry. I thought to myself what might have been if he had really managed to avoid his destiny, his gift of transformation.
As I’m staring at his wings I feel pain in my leg. It’s a muscle cramp – a bad one. I sit straight up out of bed to grab my leg and try to stop the cramp. I look at the clock, it’s 9:30 on Sunday morning.
I don’t usually remember my dreams.
My friend E came to visit this weekend—she’s a party and a half. We just got back from the bar.. where after one drink, we were served two free ones. Ah yes, the insider does very well with bartenders. Maybe it’s the flirting..? Hmmm….
But that’s not the most interesting part… teehee. E is now trying to cajole her very straight-laced boyfriend (who lives several states away) into participating in a, shall we say, “interesting” phone conversation. Fortunately my place has enough space that I cannot hear her… all that well. LOL.
Awesome, awesome. The duo behind “The Motorcycle Diaries” is going to turn Kerouac’s “On the Road” into a movie. Love the book, can’t wait to see the movie. 🙂
——-
for marcos..The Luckiest by Ben Folds
I want to work for Google.
They give awesome benefits: yoga, fitness center, massage room… and free gourmet meals during work. Hook. me. up. (And the guest and the outsider, as they eat a surprising amount of food.)
So why am I bringing this up? Because Google is holding a competition to hire two new chefs! Chefs who cook with organic ingredients for both carnivores and VEGETARIANS! Yay!
Seriously people, how awesome is this company?
It’s in Mountain View, CA. When you visit (to write about it or whatnot) you get Google boxer shorts as a parting gift. They have a wall mural of the company’s rise.. in crayon. There are toys like scooters and a pool table—for them to play with. They serve cereal: 13 different kinds, including Lucky Charms… this is in addition to the gourmet food in the ultra-cool cafeteria. And they all went to see the new Harry Potter movie—together.
I completely work for the wrong company… I am a Googler. These are my people.
So the day? Not so good. The night? Better.
I am participating in a favorite therapeutic pastime.. no, not that. Let it go.
I am curled up on my big chair (you two know which one), with one cat curled at my side and one at my head, listening to the lovely voice of Josh Kelley, happily catching up on rss blog postings from the past two days.
This was, of course, after the venting of the frustration during the long ride home from the main office. The poor coworker, she got an earful.. as did her brother, actually, who called whilst I was yelling and she was attempting to sleep. No worries—I took the phone and proceeded to vent to him as well. (This was vent number four, as I had vented to the guest, my sister and the blog… yikes!)
Due to recent events (all of our jobs suck and some recent breakups), we are all now moving to Mexico to live on the beach and sell mangos. Feel free to send money and presents… we will be poor, but happy.
Oh, and feel free to join us.
To get there: head South. Once you cross the border, head West. There you will find a beach, with white sand the consistency of powder. Look to your left. See the colorful hammock swaying in the breeze? The little huts with wrap-around porches? The outdoor grill and the surfboard? That is where you will find us. We will be sipping on margaritas, while listening to the guest noodle on the guitar and watching the sun set over the Pacific.
