August 22nd, 2005i have no title for how stressed out i feel at this moment
So here’s the thing.. I had remarkably good day today. I got done everything I wanted to at work (yay!) and I spent half the day playing comment tag on other blogs.. hehehe. 🙂
THEN, just as I was about to blog about a hysterical conversation I had with my Dad—my Army name is “Eye in the Sky” and he is “Delta Alpha Delta,” whenever he needs me to check the highway cameras where he is.. so cute. 🙂 — I got IM’d by my Uncle.
Oh, that’s nice, you might think. NO. no. no. no. no. He is a very pleasant man—from thousands of miles away. You see, he is a very Christian-Christian… a missionary in China, who didn’t get married until last year (he was 47) and who only got married because the woman (a lovely Chinese lady), was acceptable to his ridiculously long list of specific attributes his wife would have to have.
OK, did that set up this lovely little IM conversation? Good, ’cause here ya go:
Uncle J says: (10:05:13 PM)
   Hello,
theinsider says: (10:05:31 PM)
   Wow, hi Uncle J. How are you?
theinsider says: (10:06:33 PM)
   How is Carmen?
Uncle J says: (10:07:06 PM)
   Fine she just took off to work but we just celebrated our 1st wedding anniversary
theinsider says: (10:07:19 PM)
   Oh! Yay! Congratulations
Uncle J says: (10:07:43 PM)
   Yes, praise the Lord. An adventurous but good challenge.
[and in here was a bunch of how’s the family stuff for a few minutes]
Uncle J says: (10:16:27 PM)
   What’s church life like in RI?
theinsider says: (10:17:52 PM)
   Honestly Uncle J, I don’t know.
theinsider says: (10:17:57 PM)
   I haven’t been to church in awhile.
Uncle J says: (10:19:36 PM)
   What do you think of the faith and the Lord of whom your parents value so greatly?
theinsider says: (10:20:11 PM)
   I respect their faith greatly, but I haven’t shared it for a long time.
Uncle J says: (10:22:41 PM)
   You in Romans God says that when people knew God, but chose not to honor God, He (i.e.-God) gave them over to idols. Do you feel that you honor God by your life?
Uncle J says: (10:23:23 PM)
   (sorry, forgot a “know” in the 2nd space there…)
theinsider says: (10:23:34 PM)
   I live a life that honors my family and my upbringing, and I will continue to do so.
Uncle J says: (10:23:58 PM)
   DO you mind such personal questions from me?
theinsider says: (10:24:15 PM)
   No, it’s alright.
theinsider says: (10:24:23 PM)
   Honestly, I had thought my dad would have shared this with you.
Uncle J says: (10:26:53 PM)
   In the Psalms it says twice that it is a follish person who says that there is no God. It clearly says that they have done “abominable things.” May I ask you if there was a time in your youth when you stepped into some kind of sexual sin on purpose or by accident that marked a point of change in your faith?
Uncle J says: (10:27:11 PM)
   (sorry, “foolish”…)
theinsider says: (10:28:23 PM)
   No, there has never been anything like that. Honestly, it is that I struggle to believe in things that I cannot see.
theinsider says: (10:28:50 PM)
   In my mind, I can’t reconcile it.
Uncle J says: (10:29:29 PM)
   In fact I think you believe in many things that you cannot see already, don’t you?
Uncle J says: (10:29:49 PM)
   atoms, light waves, air…
theinsider says: (10:29:56 PM)
   Yes. But I think faith is God is definitely something that is incredibly hard for people
theinsider says: (10:30:15 PM)
   And I am one of them.
Uncle J says: (10:32:43 PM)
   Actually, I have found thatit is normal and easy for young people to believe that there is a God. It is quite ridiculous to imagine that such complexity happens by accident, and even if it did, man is still not able to create a soul, is he? What you have been getting pulled away from is truth and that is why there is a battle that you wrestle with.
Uncle J says: (10:34:11 PM)
   Satan is as real as God is, and he’s allowed here by our ancestor’s foolish choice to to eat some forbidden fruit…I do not blame them, I probably would have done that or more so…
theinsider says: (10:34:44 PM)
   Well, that is a very interesting perspective. To be honest, many that I have come across detail a similar problem as me.
theinsider says: (10:35:10 PM)
   And while I do not discount your faith, or that of anyone, I personally have found it to be something I do not have.
Uncle J says: (10:38:11 PM)
   Imagine (if you may not choose to trust Scripture) that 1/3 of the stars of heaven reflected the number of demonic spirits at Satan’s hand at this time. Imagine that he is not at all divided in his efforts but is supernatural, organized and that he has over 6000 years of experience and that he levies her to kill, steal and destroy. Do your friends and you seem like a surpise in a Church era …
Uncle J says: (10:39:22 PM)
   sits on its blessed assurance? Your choice under God would be this: He could have made you a robot or he could have given us choices. He chose the later, I am glad to say…
theinsider says: (10:40:51 PM)
   Truly, while I respect your faith, I indeed find it hard to swallow myself.
Uncle J says: (10:42:34 PM)
   The Bible teaches theinsider, that it is not because there is not (abundant) evidence that God exists, but that people and even you my dear niece prefer to embrace idols outwardly or inwardly.
theinsider says: (10:44:01 PM)
   Perhaps, but as I am not sure that I believe in what the Bible has to say, I do not feel that I have anything to answer for—in that regard.
Uncle J says: (10:46:44 PM)
   No one knows when our life may end, but I pray the Lord will show extra mercy to you (moreso) that you will know that your next close encounter with death was allowed by God to you as your own personal warning, and I hope not your last one. Either way, I do have a better picture now than the discrete previous prayer requests that your dad conveyed to us in the past.
theinsider says: (10:48:02 PM)
   I am sorry he was discreet.. he needn’t have been. I know this has been quite hard for him. However, knowing his past, I suspect he understands.
Uncle J says: (10:48:23 PM)
   You are probably busy or at else needing to go to bed. May the Lord be gracious to you theinsider, He has been to your dad and me very much already… Bye for now.
theinsider says: (10:48:48 PM)
   Good night.
OK, so I was nice, right? I didn’t insult him—even though I feel insulted? Because honestly, I want to go and smoke a cigarette right now. This brings up lots of stuff—mainly why I moved—and now I am pretty sure hundreds of people around the world are now praying that I will have a near death experience.
I give up.. cigarette and vodka time.
Funny how his first conclusion was that you had sexual urges that led you astray.
I’m willing to bet his blessed assurance that he’s been sexually repressed.
Comment by the guest — August 22, 2005 @ 11:44 pm
You know, I have this crazy born again Uncle too. He is always praying for my soul. I used to argue with him all the time, because I studied all this history and I had probably read the old testament more times than him. I also knew all the archaeology and delighted in pointing out the historical innacurracies in “the word of God”.
It doesn’t hold the same allure anymore, as I only give his views credence by entertaining them, even to mock them. NOw we talk about other things. He always tries to steer the conversation to religious things, and I’m all like, “How ’bout those Yankees?”
Comment by gRAMPA — August 23, 2005 @ 12:10 am
Cute guest, cute. 😛
Gramps—honestly, there is no steering the conversation anywhere with this man. I tried (I edited that part out.. useless fodder), but really, it was just one of those waves I had to ride out. Unfortunately, now I have dumped that IM (I have no idea how he got my IM name, damn it).
Ugh.
Comment by the insider — August 23, 2005 @ 12:26 am
Cheers! Wish I could join you for a toast! Now you know why I moved away when I did from my parents! Make that a double!
Comment by AW — August 23, 2005 @ 12:32 am
What an uneasy conversation, having to justify yourself to a man who isn’t your dad (and even if he were, I’d find it…)
But I’m puzzled that his explanation is teen sex and his “cure” a close brush with death.
Hope that cigarette and vodka mix was heavenly. No pun. Or maybe there is.
Comment by Anne — August 23, 2005 @ 3:31 am
ah, religion! I don’t quite understand why it still goes on. A friend of mine is a neurologist in NZ who’s been sticking big magnets next to peoples brains and getting them to believe / not believe in god – totally brilliant experiment.
people are weird. some people are crazy. life is short, and it turns out there is way too little time to indulge the crazy people. focus on the good people and the drugs and life is marvellously happy.
hooray for dancing.
Comment by Ed — August 23, 2005 @ 8:55 am
AW-Good point.. Ugh. Last night was the first time I ever had to use vodka to help me sleep. Very pathetic.
Anne—I know! What the hell! My dad would obviously prefer me to share his faith, but he would a) never, ever insult me with this conversation and b) would find my uncle’s explanation re: teen sex, etc., to be appalling. They are brothers, but J is out there. Vodka + Cigarettes.. heavenly. 😉
Ed—Y’know, I absolutley respect his faith and all, but really, I couldn’t agree more. I shall most definitely focus on the good people.. 😉
Comment by the insider — August 23, 2005 @ 9:51 am
LMAO! i hate it when people try to “witness” to me, especially when its family. My uncle totally freaked me out when I was like 12 and he was talking about demons trying to manipulate people and shit………he’s been crazy since vietnam……his bullshit pisses me off though, that “witnessing” stuff really irritates me.
Comment by augustus-reed — August 23, 2005 @ 10:53 am
Uncle J needs to smoke a big doobie….
Comment by augustus-reed — August 23, 2005 @ 10:55 am
BTW, how can a sin be abominable? Aren’t all sins considered equal in veracity of the sin? If one sin is considered abominable and another isn’t than that undermines the BS taught in church.
Comment by augustus-reed — August 23, 2005 @ 10:57 am
First, LOL.
Witnessing really should be kept somewhere else.. I mean really, who wants to be witnessed while sitting in your own home, on your computer?!
And I believe Uncle J would be appalled at the thought of smoking a doobie, but I think it might help… and re: abominable sin, I don’t remember. I’m going to go with a yes—but apparently I have committed the doozy so, woohoo for me. 😛
Comment by the insider — August 23, 2005 @ 11:04 am
Man, it still amazes me to hear people talk like this. In my head I’m usually saying, “You’re joking , right? This is a joke?” I’ll stop and watch the god channels with my jaw lying on the floor. I find it disturbing.
“It is quite ridiculous to imagine that such complexity happens by accident…”
This matter-o-fact (absurd) comment is the reason it’s nearly impossible to have conversations with them.
Comment by HarleyWriter — August 23, 2005 @ 4:35 pm
I still feel duly chastised, I must admit, but I do agree. There’s no arguing with this man though.. I didn’t even try. Somehow I thought it best to just say, “Yes, OK, I respect that but I choose to disagree.” Apparently that was a bad plan.. 😛
Disturbing is a very apt description.
Comment by the insider — August 23, 2005 @ 5:00 pm
Just tell him your having sex with a midget or something weird, that’ll shut him up for awhile, right?……right?
Comment by augustus-reed — August 24, 2005 @ 1:46 am
Yeah Augustus, I’ll do that.. and when hell fire rains on my house, you better believe I will be sending it your way. 😛
Comment by the insider — August 24, 2005 @ 2:03 am
lol Augustus.
Insider, I thought you were amazingly respectful but assured in your own conclusions. It felt as though he was bullying you, as organized religion can do in so many ways, articulating such dramatic stakes.
I thought you were wonderful. Thanks for your comments, btw :).
Comment by Graham — August 24, 2005 @ 3:24 am
Thanks Graham… I was trying to be. (Not wonderful, respectful.. but y’know, wonderful comes with the territory.. 😉 )
Comment by the insider — August 24, 2005 @ 9:18 am
I love hell fire, by all means, send it my way!
Comment by Augustus-Reed — August 25, 2005 @ 3:35 am