I enjoy looking at these, simply because the number of people who search to find out if they need to refrigerate ketchup is MIND BOGGLING. But lately, the questions about refrigeration have expanded, and I am here to once again be the voice of knowledge.

• should you refrigerate ketchup — no, it’s completely unnecessary and the bottle doesn’t say too
• self cleaning ovens odor — according to my Mom (the greatest cleaner alive), it’s supposed to smell like that, so leave the house for four hours.. however, if there is a lot of smoke, you probably dumped grease in there… like me
• refrigerate whey protein — um, if it’s a powder, I’m thinking no
• how long to refrigerate a omelet — after it’s totally cooked? I’d say no more than a week, but eggs freeze pretty well if you wrap them tight enough.
• how to catch and tame chipmunks — how the HELL did you come here? They like peanut butter and Cheetos, but they are a wild animal and you shouldn’t try to catch them or tame them.
• potato gun plans — excellent! shoot things
• do you have to refrigerate i can’t believe it’s not butter — I’m thinking yes, but check the container
• do you need to refrigerate butter? — no, but it’s stays fresher (particularly in warm climates)
• phone interviews — don’t listen in when your boyfriend has them.. you might get cranky.
• why do people refrigerate candy — because it’s hot where they live? Because cold chocolate is yummy and you don’t want it to melt? I dunno, really.

I really feel like I’m the voice of the don’t-refrigerate-ketchup generation.

And for some reason, possibly because I had been watching a Law & Order marathon, that scared me to death.

Normally Reggie doesn’t bark, so several loud, shrill and pointed barks at the door is highly unusual.

And the Chop has been in NYC since Sunday.

So I opened her crate and systematically went to every window in the house, in the dark, to shut and lock them. Then, since our French doors seem awfully easy to break into (at least to me), I pushed a heavy cabinet in front of it.

I put Reggie back in her crate, but moved it closer to the bed and decided to sleep on his side (next to her), turned on the AC in the bedroom and tried to will myself to sleep.

Five minutes later I retrieved one of the military knives my father gave me for protection and slipped it under my pillow.

This morning I felt like an idiot, but the truth is, I felt incredibly vulnerable. We live on a very quiet street, and our house is up a little hill, set apart with woods and a stream behind it and I don’t honestly know how well our neighbors could hear me if I started screaming. (Some of them are old, lol.)

Before I met the Chop I lived quite easily alone (however it was on the second floor, with people above and below, and the doors had several locks apiece), and part of me wonders if I’ve gotten less of an independent-take-on-the-world-bring-it attitude since we moved in together.

And I don’t particularly like it, lol. So, independent women who previously lived alone but are now living in sin/married, did we change or is it dependent on perceived safety (locks, second floor, etc.)?

That being said, I had a VERY, VERY BAD DAY TODAY, dealing with irritating, obnoxious people and the final “straw in the coffin of hell” (yes, OK, I was having troubles with my metaphors… don’t judge me!) was this person who I purchased from on eBay.

I “won” (seriously, won? such a dumb thing to say when you are paying for something, but whatever) two items from this person and the automatic email sent after it had ended asked me to confirm the zip code. I did so, and asked if the seller combined shipping.

She responded that yes, she did and she would send me my total right away.

She sent it, I paid and then (so very stupid of me) assumed all was well and moved right along with life.

I received an email this afternoon, following most of the insanity of my day, informing me that she had given me the shipping for my PayPal confirmed zip code and not the zip code I had given her.

Now first off, normally I’d be all, “yeah, yeah, no worries, here ya go” but today, today I am RIGHTEOUSLY PISSED AT THE WORLD.

So I responded, “Yep, it needs to go to the [my mom’s zip] address. That’s why I emailed it right away.”

And then she’s all “Oh, I’m sorry I must’ve deleted it and blah blah, and..”

OK, I’m just going to post what she said and yeah, here:

Thank You for your PROMPT Reply & Paypal Payment!! However, I have a concern I want to confirm with you before your package is sent. When you first emailed me that you’d won and asked me if I combine shipping, I can’t remember for sure(I thought)you provided me with a zipcode. When I combined your items and had your package weighed, I went with the [my state] Address/Zipcode([my zip])which is on your Ebay Item Won page. So, your shipping rate was $7.15(package weight 7lbs. & you’re considered in my local zone, based on my zipcode & the [my state] Address). It wasn’t until I received your Paypal Payment today(2/15)that I saw the [my mom’s state] Address/Zipcode([my mom’s zip])that I realized the shipping rate was incorrect/based on the [my state] Address/Zipcode([my zip]). That’s when I remembered your first email and the possible([my mom’s zip])zipcode you provided me with. I’ve tried to locate the email before replying to you. I must have deleted it. The [my mom’s state] Address/Zipcode(98466)will be a different shipping rate. Although the package weight(7lbs.)remains the same. That zipcode([my mom’s zip])is considered zone 8(the furtherest zone from my zipcode)and the actual shipping rate is $14.80. I APOLOGIZE FOR ANY INCONVENIENCE CAUSED. THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED TO ME BEFORE!! PLEASE, reply back as to which address you’d like your package sent. If you want it sent to [my state], the package will be sent as planned. If the package is to be sent to [my mom’s state], I will refund your ENTIRE invoice total(through Paypal)and try to send you an invoice total with the correct shipping rate($14.80)based on the [my mom’s state] Address/Zipcode([my mom’s zip]). AGAIN, I APOLOGIZE FOR ANY INCONVENIENCE CAUSED. I WOULD GREATLY APPRECIATE YOUR UNDERSTANDING TO THIS MATTER AS THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED TO ME BEFORE. I LOOK FORWARD TO YOUR REPLY. I WILL WAIT FOR YOUR REPLY AND THEN DO SO ACCORDINGLY!! TALK TO YOU SOON….
Have a great day!!
Thank you,

So then it turns out that she can’t do what she wanted, so she instead sends me another invoice for seven bucks and change.

And rolling, my eyes, I’m thinking, fine, whatever, I’ll pay it. But, I thought it was important to state that I thought that since this was her fault, she shouldn’t have asked me to pay the difference—hello, customer service anyone?

So I reply:

I’m going to go ahead and pay this, but I wanted to let you know that since it was your mistake and not mine, you really should have just told me about it and said you were going to pay the difference, since it wasn’t a customer error. That would be good customer service. It would also make people more likely to shop with you again.

And OK, yes, according to the Porkchop, I was a little smidge mean, but I mean seriously people, you have to be kidding me here.

So then she responds:

Thank You for your PROMPT shipping difference payment. You must have made the payment in between the email I was typing you(after I sent the invoice). Yes, it was my mistake~ an honest mistake which I apologize for. However, the shipping amount $14.80 is the ACTUAL, combined shipping rate(your initial invoice would have had if I would have used the [my mom’s zip] zipcode). So, I’m not sure why you’re upset. I was only requesting the difference to equal the ACTUAL shipping, not any additional shipping funds and/or fees(I’m charged). The zipcode/zone(from [my state];East Coast to [my mom’s state];West Coast, based on my [her state];East Coast Address/[her zip] Zipcode)with the 7lb. package weight determined the rate change from $7.15(local zone 1,2,3)to $14.80(zone 8)~ I didn’t. I’m merely charging you exactly what shipping rate(I’ll pay)to send it. I charge all of my buyers, the exact rate, not a flat rate(as most sellers do). I also combine shipping(some sellers don’t & the shipping calculator doesn’t). The seller has to manually enter the correct combined shipping rate. Each oval bowl package weighs 4lbs. and would have cost $10.35 per package = $20.70. The combined package weight is 7lbs. and $14.80($5.90 combined shipping savings). Believe me, I’m an honest person. AGAIN, I take great pride with each ebay transaction. I’ve also refunded additional shipping paid(customers bought multiple items and didn’t wait for their combined shipping invoice and proceeded to pay)or if their package weight weighed less than calculated. So, I’ve also refunded additional money paid(as I would have done for you if you would have overpaid). My goal is to only charge(and take)the ACTUAL shipping rate. I HONESTLY didn’t expect this reaction from you. I only requested the ACTUAL shipping difference(corrected my mistake/confirmed correct zipcode/address the package will be sent). However, I want you to be COMPLETELY SATISFIED and if that means a $7.65 refund~ I’ll GLADLY do so. I look forward to your reply,

So oddly enough, at this point, I’m just more pissed off and let me count the ways. All caps? Seriously? You want to do the Internet equivalent of YELLING AT ME? Argh. Second, “I didn’t expect this reaction”.. oh yeah, you expected me to be all roses since you fucked up? Yeah, no.

So I respond:

Well first, you can’t expect any response from someone you don’t know, and second, I was simply pointing out a well-known customer service issue. As someone who sells in the online sphere, and has lots of customers, I was honestly shocked that you asked me to pay more. Not because I wouldn’t have been willing to pay the actual shipping rate (and seriously, all caps? online that’s considered really quite rude), but because that’s just poor customer service. I did everything I was supposed too, and so the onus was on you, not me, to handle the problem and handle it fairly. I don’t care about the seven bucks and I already said I would pay it and I did. I’m not angry, I’m not going to fight with you, I just think you should know that in retail circles, this response would be highly frowned upon. No offense to you, but I would probably not buy from you again. Not because I’m mad, or feel like I got screwed, but because that sort of customer service isn’t what I like dealing with.

I also wanted to say, “And learn how to spell and use punctuation. No normal human uses that many exclamation points and you can tell you didn’t read this before sending it.”

But, I did not. Which, personally, I think shows great restraint on my part.

Now, there’s a good chance you are with the Porkchop on this, that a) I overreacted and b) that you would never have said anything in the first place.

And normally, I wouldn’t have either, but a) my mom always tells me I should stick up for something that I think is right and b) I HAD A BAD DAY.

So, my side, or the Choppy’s side?

——-UPDATE———-
Oh, and there is SO much more.

I’ve been as kind with my replies as I thought possible. I made an honest mistake. I never tried to offend you(when I asked for the shipping difference). I was thinking more about having the correct address and shipping it correctly. I wasn’t trying to be rude. I only capitalized actual because I was hoping you didn’t think I was making up additional shipping funds. Again, I never knew words wrote in all caps were offensive. It seems as if you’re trying to find fault with everything I’ve done. I’ve been in retail/customer service for many years(aside from ebay). I realize the customer is always right. However, I was just correcting my shipping error(at the time, I honestly didn’t think it was rude). It wasn’t as if I sent the package to the wrong address and it came back to me. I then charged you additional shipping to have it sent to the address requested. A shipping error of that kind, I would have totally understood your anger. I guess if your ebay mailing address would have coincided with your paypal address, your invoice total would have been correct the first time. I’m not angry and I’m certainly not going to fight with you either. The customer may always be right. However, there’s certainly a descent approach to going about it. To say you probably wouldn’t buy from me again, mention the word screwed(you don’t think that’s rude)and this type of customer service isn’t what you like dealing with, is totally unjustified. I’ve only sent kind emails with sincere apologies. As someone who considers customer service a top priority, as a buyer, I would never react this harshly. Thankfully, this was only ever my first mistake. It’s unfortuante though, I had to experience it with someone unlike myself. I could also reply stating I would hope to never do business with someone like you again(similiar reasons as you listed and unenjoyable). However, what does a statement like that prove. Ebay is based on mutual respect between buyers/sellers. Your $7.65 will be refunded.

My response:

Well a) I said I didn’t feel screwed, not that you screwed me. There is a difference. And b), your responses to me just became quite rude.

Also, right here: “I guess if your ebay mailing address would have coincided with your paypal address, your invoice total would have been correct the first time.”

That right there just proves my point. You think this was my fault because you messed up. I followed your instructions to the letter. Lots of people ship to different addresses than their PayPal confirmed ones.

Don’t refund my money. I didn’t request a refund, nor do I want one.

You honestly think you responded with mutual respect? You did not.

You honestly feel we are different? I do as well. I would never have asked for more money after a transaction had finished.

You feel you wouldn’t do business with me again because I simply gave you advice? That’s also quite rude. I said I wouldn’t because I don’t like your customer service. I never attacked you; you shouldn’t attack me.

What I wanted to say? BRING IT BITCH. My sister could totally kick your ass!

Oh, and reading trashy magazines. ‘Cause seriously, where else can you go to read People and US Weekly and chat about the pictures and the people with others who are there to do the exact same thing? No where.

I love my manicurist/pedicurist. She’s a couple of years younger than me, Asian-American, newly engaged, funny as hell and she knows almost everything about me. It’s fantastic.

So I’m wondering.. what’s the protocol for Christmas presents for people you see a couple of times a month? Should I just give her a really big tip?

I put a lime in a beer that wasn’t Corona (let me just say, the beer is really nasty tasting—I was trying to improve the flavor)… apparently this was total sacrilege to the beer.

Whatever, not the point.

He kept saying, “You put FRUIT in the beer? You don’t put FRUIT in beer unless it’s Corona.”

First, who the hell calls limes fruit? Logically, I realize that they are a fruit (shut. it.), but I mean, come on.

It’s a LIME. You don’t eat it like regular fruit (alone), you use it a) as a garnish, b) to make limeade and c) as an enhancement (vodka, beer, guacamole ;)).

So you just say “lime,” not fruit. Right? Anybody?

Do you know what’s worse than being woken up by the neighbors at 9AM on your day off? Being woken up by 30 kids crashing cymbals and banging drums. It’s just so much worse.

I got back from MN last night. Unfortunately, due to time constraints and such, I was unable to meet the infamous Moobert—so sad—but since it looks like there’s a 90 percent chance I’ll be moving that direction in a month or so, no worries.

I’m no longer that cranky about it. Granted, I don’t want to move, but Minneapolis isn’t that bad at all. There’s Uptown, with it’s sushi places, outdoor cafes and MAC store, the suburbs with their lakes and coffee shops and the job, which appears to be ten times better than the one I have now—always a good thing.

And the people are rather interesting… or rather, they’ll make for excellent blog fodder.

I got into a conversation with a guy who hates all condiments (ketchup, mustard, mayonnaise, etc.) and we began arguing over what is, and what is not, a condiment.

“So you hate peanut butter?”

“No I love peanut butter. It’s not a condiment, it’s a spread.”

“What? That’s BS, it’s a condiment. It goes on something to eat it—bread, celery, etc.”

“Not a condiment.”

“What about salad dressing?”

“That’s not a condiment either.”

“Yes it is!”

We went back and forth with this for quite some time, lol.

So I looked it up. And, according to the dictionary (take that asshat :P), a condiment is: “A substance, such as a relish, vinegar, or spice, used to flavor or complement food.”

Therefore, according to the dictionary, I’m right.

Salad dressing and peanut butter and soy sauce… all condiments.

What say you readers? What’s a condiment? Is there a difference between condiments and spreads?

Along that same vein, why he did change the paper towel roll—WTF? What’s the difference? I’m confused.

There’s a new person in our little office built-for-two. It’s a guy.

Now, in general, I’ve nothing against working with guys. (Normally I prefer that they have their own bathroom, but I digress.)

This guy is older and just to give you a picture, divorced (gets his two kids on some weekends) and dating someone 14 years younger. With which, again, I have no problem.

However, when said older person (read: over 40), comes in on Monday morning an hour late and hungover, I really do have to wonder.

What are we teaching children if we say it’s OK to be wasted all weekend and then come into work on Monday recuperating from it?

My parents never did that kind of thing—ever. I know they had their fun when they were younger, and don’t get me wrong, I have no problem with fun—but this is two weeks in a row now. I kinda wonder, is this normal behavior for most people in offices?

Give me some feedback all you office workers—does everyone do this?

And did you know that they now make a 12-pack of mini Cadbury eggs?! Holy crap, they are wonderful. No goo on your hands (well, less anyway) and, y’know, there’s 12 of them.

(I also like candy corn.)

What’s your favorite? (And Moo will say “Peeps” and no offense dude, but gag. lol)

Granted, I’m still at my parent’s home in Seattle, but I am working darn you! Not all that well though. I have to keep pausing to cough for several seconds at a time, the evil book of hell keeps freezing up my screen and my mom’s cat is now sitting on my shoulders, trying to get my attention. (I think she wants some love.)

And now the real reason I am blogging… an argument with my dad over how long cookies should be baked—I want to note here that he killed some oatmeal cookies. They are hard and ridiculously crunchy… seriously, you can crumble them up and use them as granola. He thinks they are the greatest cookies ever—”the crunchier, the better.”

I ask you my people, soft or crunchy? Don’t you love that gooey center?

Granted, I’d prefer to read an actual book—pages, cover, etc. You can’t take a laptop or a blackberry into the bathtub, and a book doesn’t require a power cord nor does it take up a lot of space. However, if Google Print had been around when I was in college, and they had textbooks (current textbooks) online that I could use—without having to spend a ridiculous amount on actual books—that would have saved me a lot of money. And for that, Google Print would be worth its weight in gold.

I do see the flip side—publishers getting stiffed. But I don’t think making all of these books available online would stop the presses—a sizeable number of people would still purchase books, and then there’s the millions of people who don’t have a computer of their own.

The opponent on NPR last night got outrageously cranky and kept going back to Mein Kampf and other censored books, asking how Google would block those from said countries. Obviously Google already blocks censored content from its sites in China and other countries that require it to do so, so why this particular guy went this route is beyond me. Honestly, I think it was beyond the guy from Google, because he kept saying, “We already do that. That’s not a problem for us. We already have to redirect users who want content that’s not allowed in their country.”

One thing that struck me was a statement by the opponent that Mein Kampf was illegal in France and Germany—and neither the Google guy nor the NPR guy corrected him. So I went looking.

Apparently Mein Kampf cannot be printed or sold in Germany (it is banned under a law that prohibits the dissemination of Nazi propaganda), but it can be owned. In 1999, Amazon.com and Barnes & Nobles stopped shipping the book there. Read more here.(On Amazon.de, you can purchase it used, but Amazon won’t ship it—a brilliant way for them to not ship it, but still facilitate in the sale.)

I couldn’t, however, prove that it was illegal to sell in France—at Amazon.fr it simply says that it is “unavailable at this time.”

Anyone know?