I started SAM e yesterday and I’m frankly terrified. I’m having symptoms of being sick again, and after checking with my Dad, decided to try the treatment that worked four years ago. So far, I’ve been hardly nauseated at all and the itching is mostly gone—but no one knows what SAM e does to babies, so I’m basically freaking the fuck out.

My OBGYN isn’t in today and my LFTs (liver tests) aren’t back yet, so basically it’s take a couple of pills and hope nothing bad happens. Very discouraging, to my mind.

There’s something called cholestasis of pregnancy, where in the third trimester you get itchy and your body isn’t putting out enough bile because of the hormones. I’m pretty sure I’m experiencing that, but in my first trimester, which is probably a bad sign. It is bad for the baby, and the suggested treatment is everything that never worked for me before when I was sick—so in my mind, this treatment is the only way to help.

It’s a very disconcerting feeling, wondering if my taking the SAM e (which is an over the counter pill) will help me, but hurt the kid.

It’s very hard to be low-stress lately.

I went in for an ultrasound this morning to “date” the baby. Apparently they weren’t impressed with my guesstimating my last period (seriously, do people really remember? maybe my brain is fucked up, because I never do), so they decided an ultrasound was in order.

And I’m at 7 weeks, 1 day. Which means five more weeks of being ill. Sigh.

More importantly that means I got knocked up on… Christmas freaking Eve. Yep. Santa brought us a baby!

February 3rd
Yesterday we found out that I’m pregnant. I had an inkling last week.. relatively constant nausea, total exhaustion and um, very sensitive boobs, lol. It looks like I’m about 7 weeks along—I go see a doctor next week and we’ll get a more firm answer—and my due date is September 17th.

Which means we’ll have a baby before our first anniversary lol, and a three month old at Christmas. And, oh yeah, I’ll be three and a half weeks pregnant on our honeymoon, lol.

So far it’s mainly the nausea and exhaustion that is doing me in. I’m already on prenatal vitamins, too, which are huge and NOT gel capped—wtf, hi, ill over here?!

No major cravings, I’m just eating a lot of oranges.