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December 31st, 2009
ode to 2009

2009 has been equal parts awesome and awful. I can’t remember any other, aside from perhaps 2006 (sick, but met the Chop) and 2003 (my Nana died/my sister got divorced, but moved to the East Coast), where there was such an equal amount of good and bad.

We elected a new president, and although it hasn’t been all roses, I’m still glad he’s it.
We started planning the wedding and getting pressure for our “no gift” policy. Sigh. And I lit our oven on fire.

We picked our wedding spot, caterers and photographer—and they all turned out to be absolutely perfect.
A dear friend lost her husband.

We went on vacation in Ireland, which was amazing. Even though I have a little bitterness about not moving there, lol.
My dryer crapped out, three of our favorite restaurants closed and, oh yeah, that 15% pay cut. Damn the recession.

We went and saw David Sedaris, the world was introduced to Susan Boyle and the Chop and I decided to start house hunting.
I had to go to Vegas for our conference; we put an offer on a house that turned out to be the lemon of the century (hello $30k in fixes)… and so we pulled out.

Went to a very entertaining wedding of a good friend—and on the same day, found the house we would buy.
We house-hunted every weekend.

Bought our house, switched states and marked four years of blogging.
Moved out of my favorite place and left my home of four years.

Quit one job and got another. Kept the other job as a client for more money and less pain—win, win.
The dog decided to inaugurate the house by using the basement as her personal toilet—very. bad.

Oh god, the wedding planning. And the DMV. And the lack of air conditioning. August was rough.

Convinced my parents I should be able to wear red at my wedding. Built the wedding website.
Wedding planning. Hell. Went dress shopping. Double hell. Worked like a dog.

Went to TX, where my awesome godmother made my VERY RED dress!
Worked like a dog. Went to ME with my mom and sister—where we fought constantly. Tried to convince Chop that we should elope already goddamnit.

Went back to WA for a bridal shower, where my awesome cousin surprised me, which was lovely. My family came for Thanksgiving, which was also surprisingly lovely.
Counted down to the wedding, with all the insanity and annoyances that came with it. Worked like a dog.

Got MARRIED—now I get to wear an additional shiny, shiny ring. Went to MN for Christmas and had so much fun. Am planning to spend New Year’s happily ensconced at home, with my husband.
Went through so much insanity during the week of the wedding—and the wedding. Dealt with every possible crisis that could come up. Am still exhausted from the entire year.

Very happily got married, which made the entire year worth it.
Isn’t my husband the cutest?

December 11th, 2009

The temperature today hasn’t gotten over 25 degrees, and last night our heat decided to crap out on us. The oil company finally got someone out here at 4:30 PM (!!) and after 45 minutes, my house smelled of oil and I got a bill for $200. I did get heat though, so I shouldn’t complain.

Apparently you’re supposed to have the thing cleaned once a year and our fuel filters were disgusting—who knew?

In other news we’ve finally managed to get rid of most of the excess alcohol and food from our wedding (that my adorable father insisted we pack home). We ate some, threw away a lot and took all the leftover beer (that the Chop won’t drink) and opened wine to a guy at my gym. He’s 25 and lives with seven guys—I’m pretty sure it’ll be gone by the end of the evening.

Word to the wise—destination weddings mean you get stuck with EVERYTHING that’s leftover.. buy wisely! Flowers, food, drinks, stuff people forgot at the location (unless one of your new sisters-in-law offers to ship the tie of the boy she likes, hehe, helpful!), you will be in charge of dealing with it. Today I trashed three different bottles of cream, light, heavy and half ‘n half (they all smelled weird, I think four hours in the car was bad for them), three kinds of leftover sauce, leftover vegetables from the wedding, multiple quarter-packages of crackers from the numerous cheese plates by Dad prepared (one almost every morning, lol) and three half empty bottles of random juice/soda concoctions.

And this was after my sister helpfully trashed a lot of stuff when my Dad wasn’t looking.


posted in: hilarity,wedding — @ 9:27 pm

December 9th, 2009
on weddings

We got another six inches of snow today, on top of the three that came down Sunday as we were driving home. I’ve decided the snow is a sign of new beginnings—married, so let’s wash away everything that came before. On the other hand the Chop drove to work this morning and I panic-dreamed the entire time. Schools are closed, the roads are terrible and we just got married! How dare he risk life and limb to go to a job. Marriage makes you nutty. Plus, hi, snow day sex anyone?

The week of the wedding was unbelievably stressful. It was a great idea from the get-go (get the entire family together to stay for a week beforehand), but when all is said and done, I’m not sure it didn’t make the entire event more stressful. Tension was high and Chop and I (well really, I, the Chop is a trooper) started balking at doing what everyone wanted—which in fact was the issue from the beginning. Sadly our simple family wedding ballooned a bit into more than we wanted, lol. But I will say it was a lovely time and we really enjoyed (most lol) of it.

The wedding ceremony itself was incredibly simple… I walked out with my dad (we had decided on no attendants from the beginning, trying to keep it small—but also because my attendant list would’ve been over 7 and that meant so would his groomsmen and good god, can you imagine?), and Chop was in front of these huge windows with the reverend (who wore robes, so immediately I was like, really? COME ON, where’s the suit?). He said a few words, we exchanged vows, he said more words, we put on the rings and voila, he was announcing that Chop could kiss his wife—very cute. The Chop was pumping heat off like there was no tomorrow—neither of us are big fans of being on display—so the shorter the better. Fortunately Regina whined a few times during the ceremony, which helped break the tension and made him smile.

We had done a lot of family pictures beforehand—and Chop and I had gone down to the covered bridge to shoot ones of just us—so after the ceremony when everyone else went downstairs for appetizers, we went around with the photographer getting more shots of just us together. My sister was awesome and followed us around with food (god, the best meatballs and fresh spring rolls ever) and after thirty minutes or so we went back downstairs.

We chatted down there for maybe another twenty minutes before we were moved upstairs for the buffet line (such good food)—my dad prayed a blessing (where he talked about grandchildren, lol) and the real party started.

Except that we had forgotten to finish the sangria, so Chop’s sisters and I were pouring club soda into the giant black coffee warmer we had commandeered for it—and setting that on a table because really, who has time for a punch bowl when there is sangria?! NOT ME! :D I like to class it up like that ;)

The food was awesome—and honestly, if I wasn’t wearing a corset and wasn’t worried about the lipstick (hi, idiot that I am I didn’t have any backup!), I would’ve gone back for seconds. Chop’s friends told me later that they wanted too but since we didn’t, they didn’t, lol. Ah decorum, I never knew ye!

During the dinner, all the kids were apparently snatching cupcakes from the cupcake table—word to the wise, if you have mini, one bite cupcakes at your wedding, a) don’t set them where the kids can find them beforehand and b) order double the amount you think you’ll need. My awesome cousin managed to sneak four into a container to freeze, but frankly, with the tallies we were hearing (our moms each had 8, his cousin had 9 before dinner was over, etc.), it’s amazing we got any at all! I, of course, wisely married into a niece who went and got me one when I caught on. :D

Our cupcake flavors were chocolate/chocolate, red velvet/cream cheese, chocolate/peanut butter, vanilla/peanut butter, pumpkin/cream cheese and pumpkin/maple cream—all of which were amazing. For our feeding each other moment, I shoved a red velvet up Chop’s face/nose and I believe the one I got was pumpkin, but frankly I was too busy laughing my ass off to notice. My favorite part = shoving a cupcake. I feel like we should do that annually.

The next part is where I started to lose it—we were supposed to have a first dance but I really didn’t want too and because I’m an idiot, we caused a bit of drama with a couple of people (his sister, who did our music and was amazing the entire time; and a couple of my friends). Finally it was decided to just go straight into dancing music and everyone was encouraged to dance and I took a timeout. (I know, I know—but seriously, weddings are possibly the most stressful day of a lifetime. There is no situation where a wedding does not make you insane. And I was already half-way there, so yeah.)

We danced to Mr. Big Stuff and then later, when most everyone had trickled away, to the Avett Brothers’ Ballad of Love and Hate—which was perfect. A couple of our friends were slow dancing on the dance floor and we joined them, with no camera and no one watching. Earlier we had danced with family (Chop more than me) and I with my Dad and Chop with his mom, so I feel like we probably covered almost all our bases.

See earlier in the evening, when I was getting in my dress, we undid the halter neck (to protect my hair) and a button popped off. My seamstress aunt/godmother safety pinned it, and sadly I spent the day having a safety pin dig into my neck—I literally bled for fashion! On top of everything else that made me cranky and uncomfortable and I really did not want to dance, I wanted to go to bed. Plus, hi, the most painful shoes alive? OMFG. I spent most of the night in my green Crocs (thank god my dress was long enough to cover them).

The best part of the night came when probably a third of the people had left and all of our friends and family (aside from the parents-boo) got into swimsuits and hit the hot tubs and pool. A keg was dragged outside and we proceeded to party all night. We jumped between hot tubs, the pool, the steam room, the dry sauna and the refrigerators for a good three hours—one of my favorite moments was walking into the kitchen and seeing two of Chop’s best friends two-fisting beef and potatoes cold, straight from the fridge. :)

The party then meandered upstairs to the poker/pool room, there was a whole debacle in the steam room (wine and steam room, bad) and I spent the last hour or so with my best friend in bed while Chop beat the guys at poker. Around 4AM he came into our room and laughed, as Em and I were chatting away, oblivious to the time.

So that was my wedding. It had its ups and downs, and I would most certainly change my attitude about some things if I could (and get another pair of shoes), but I can’t and I’m OK with that. We really had a great time—our friends and cousins and parents and sisters (did I mention Chop has three? so now I have four?) were awesome and helped make it a really special day.

I am so fucking glad it’s over though. :)

November 16th, 2009
pre-wedding pains

Today I wrote thank you cards for almost two hours. My thumb still hurts, but honestly all I can think of is that we’re going to have to write thank you cards to everyone who comes to the wedding… and that’s way more and omg, Chop has terrible handwriting.

Granted, mine’s not awesome either (keyboard child), but his is barely legible. Which means I’m staring down the barrel of some serious hand cramps in a few weeks.

Sigh. Anybody want to come help? lol

posted in: wedding — @ 12:55 am

August 1st, 2009
not right

I have four months until the wedding and we haven’t: done invitations, found a dress, picked out colors or flowers or found a proper cupcake baker. I think my mom might be stressed. Frankly though, I think she should be glad I’m not doing this for my wedding.

Last night I went out with some current and former coworkers—they’ve now decided we shall have a very alcoholic bachelorette party for me come November. I’m slightly terrified, as this morning I woke up with quite the headache. Those women, my god, can they drink. It was insane.

posted in: hilarity,wedding — @ 1:01 pm

March 25th, 2009
oh march, you are not being good to me

My boss emailed me a link she found on a forum today: It’s totally hilarious, especially since she (someone who is completely un-funny) sent it to me.

My dryer crapped out on me on Monday. Repair guy came, said it was the motor, and will be back tomorrow to fix it and take $360 (WTF). I now have two loads of wet clothes moldering in the washer. Awesome.

We have put down a deposit for the location and the photographer and chosen most of the menu for the wedding.. progress! Unfortunately I still have no idea what I’m going to wear and am stumped on the design of the wedding site. How hard can it be? VERY, FREAKING HARD.

The Chop is working late again tonight, so the dog is currently sitting at the door, making sad, whiny pitiful sounds. Where is Daddy? Why isn’t he here? I DON’T LIKE YOU AS MUCH AS HIM. The feeling is mutual goob.

posted in: crapola,hilarity,wedding — @ 7:46 pm

March 17th, 2009
coming home is no fun

I woke up this morning to the lovely sound of chainsaws… and it continued until 2PM. Granted they also brought in a backhoe and a tree grinder (chopper? thing they crush shit in?), so really it was a wondrous cacophony of noise that I got to work with today. And yes, it was as crappy as it sounds.

We’ve been back over a week now—I still wish I was there, the Chop just wishes he wasn’t going in to work, lol. We had discussed (for the past several months) eloping in Ireland—getting it out of the way in a gorgeous country. Why not, right? Sadly my mom is dead set on having an actual wedding, and between her normal level of craziness and the menopause, I had to give in. Sigh.

I’ve finally come out of the sheer mountain of work that awaited me when I got home—for more fun I caught some sort of nasty cold on the flight—and now I’m back to wedding plans and work. No fun.

posted in: crapola,hilarity,wedding — @ 11:31 pm

February 14th, 2009
plans, plans, plans

Yesterday my cat Ellie decided to kamikaze off the banister at the top of the stairwell. She fell with a shirt that was on the railing, and managed to twist her front leg. She was limping and her leg looked odd, so off we rushed to the vet. After waiting 30 minutes, and a 30 minute exam where she cried, hissed and struggled, the vet determined that she has a bad sprain. She determined that I am a bad mommy and should be avoided at all costs. Dandy.

I brought her back home, packed in a flurry, didn’t finish half the work I was planning too and left the house an hour behind.

We’re in Maine this weekend, checking out the venue, meeting a caterer and the photographer and hoping to solidify most of the plans for the wedding. We’ll see how well that goes, lol.

posted in: crapola,hilarity,wedding — @ 12:27 pm

January 26th, 2009
to gift or not to gift

Whenever anyone asks me about the wedding, the question of gifts always comes up. And inevitably I end up defending my decision to not ask for gifts. I will not be registering for anything and we’re going to list charities people can donate too if they feel so compelled… but that’s never a good enough answer.

Don’t you want wedding china or silver?
Are you kidding? I’m a klutz and I break everything.. plus, there is no way I’m going to polish silver. Ever. No chance.

Everyone wants something, you can ask for anything!
We buy what we need/want and we’ve both lived on our own for years. I have every kitchen appliance known to man and I’ve been given almost all the dishes that I need.

What are you going to do when people insist?
Send them the list of charities to donate too or graciously accept cash and use it for the honeymoon.

I’ve been in and too a few weddings, and each one cost me a lot of money. If you’re in it, you buy the dress, matching shoes, get your hair done, plus you still owe presents. And then there’s the getting there (flight), car rental, hotel, etc.

We’re already having the wedding in a remote location, so everyone who comes is going to shell out a lot of money to get there, and we just want them to have fun and relax and party with us. That’s gift enough.

This, my standard response, is never good enough. And I don’t get it. We don’t need anything, and people are already spending money on us by coming… why are gifts such a big deal?

(Seriously, does anyone know?)

posted in: hilarity,wedding — @ 3:43 pm