There’s this sales guy, who works in the office I come to twice a week, who’s cologne smells like cat litter. And he constantly passes by my desk to talk to someone near me and every. single. time. I try hard not to gag. It’s so irritating.

And that’s what I was going to wax on about today, BUT THEN there was a high speed chase that ended in front of our building, and we proceeded to sit in front of the windows and watch the insanity.

So two cop cars pull the red car over. One cop makes both guys walk to the back and put their hands on the trunk—suddenly, one guy runs. The other cop from the other car jumps out and takes off after him. The cop who stayed bodily forces the other guy to keep his upper body on the trunk. It appears he is yelling at him, but our windows are very thick. He finally cuffs him and makes him sit on the sidewalk. Another cop car shows up.

The running cop comes back… he has not caught the guy. He is red-faced, huffing and puffing and very, very pissed. He grabs the cuffed guy and throws him into the police car. Now another police car has arrived. Two of the cops are still huffing and puffing (bigger, very red-faced and visibly pissed off), while the other cop who has arrived starts going through the car. Then they are all going through the car and another cop arrives.

Passersby are starting to hang out on the other side of the street, and the kid who was sweeping the parking lot today has swept the same spot, next to the cops, for the past 10 minutes. It’s very clean now.

They towed the car, after going through it quite haphazardly, and now I believe two cops are left to take statements from people who saw the whole thing.

I feel like Law & Order is happening right outside my window and it is so much fun.

I will not deny, I love the new Old Spice commercials. It’s a combination of the actor’s delivery and the insanity of what they think turns women on that never fails to make me smile.

And now… the Apple version.

A large portion of the time I am bugged by people, but then they go and make this and I think, mm, we are so entertaining. I love us. :D

If I have a singular skill, it’s that I am incapable of backing out of my driveway when I am: tired/stressed/ill/excited.

Time #1: Was mad at my mom, backed into her van—or rather, according to her, “floored it and landed on” her van. I think I was 17.

Time #2: Backed into the Chop’s car last year during the move. I had my car full of stuff and honestly did not see his car and didn’t even think about it possibly being there. I broke a light and crunched in his hood the tiniest bit.

Time #3: This morning I backed the right side of the car into the garage as I was pulling out. I ripped the glass out of my side view mirror (the casing is pretty busted too, but still hanging on!) and ripped some weather stripping and wood off the garage. I’m really busy and stressed and frankly exhausted lately, so yeah.

I think I need the kind of car that beeps or yells when it senses something behind me. But it’s gotta be really loud, and really, really sensitive… because even as I was hearing my mirror crunch, I didn’t stop backing up. Nice, right? I finished pulling out, putting a nice scrape on my bumper (the Liberty’s have a plastic-type bumper, so really I just buff it and it goes away, but still).

Then I cursed a blue streak. Not a great start to the day, lol.

I think Anthony Bourdain is one of the most entertaining authors and personalities on TV. I loved Kitchen Confidential and we watch No Reservations pretty regularly, so when I heard he was going to be in town, I jumped at the chance to hear him live.

So following a ridiculous amount of sushi (we sat at the counter and one of the sushi chefs was all, are you hungry? uh, yeah, we kinda are, lol), we went and heard him speak.

And let me say, he’s funnier in person than on TV, he curses with every other breath and crazy women are totally in love with him—and they will proposition him in a Q&A session in front of hundreds of people. It was awesome.

So we’ve been following this late night nonsense for the past couple of weeks and honestly, I feel like this is the funniest these guys have ever been. If they had been this entertaining before, perhaps this little experiment would’ve worked out.

Normally I don’t like late night — Daily Show and Colbert, yes; Letterman and Leno, no — but we’ve been catching some of their spiels and guests and wowza, the rage makes for some beautiful television.

We’re watching the last episode now, and they’ve just run recaps of Conan’s “greatest hits”… it’s really too bad this show comes on so late, because I think we’d watch it if we didn’t have to get up for work in the morning.

The Chop had to go to the DMV today to get a new license… it did not go well. He took a credit card bill, his ID and his passport, but he ended up coming home (after waiting 1.5 hours) because he needed either a) a utility bill, b) a lease agreement or c) a bank account statement that was mailed to the house.

Three problems: all the bills are in my name (always have been), we bought the house (so no lease agreement) and we get our bank statements online (we’re green! mostly! somewhat! we try.).

We found the quitclaim deed I had to get to be able to pick up our recycling bins (seriously, who the fuck is going to come steal recycling bins that aren’t from their area? THEY DON’T LOOK THE SAME) and he went to the bank to have them print out a statement (we printed one here too, but you never know).

Ironically the printed statement from the bank? No good. And the deed? The person who helped him had to go ask the manager if that was OK.

Seriously. Can the DMV be any more of a complete fuck up? It’s like the ugly stepchild of government agencies, that went to prison for murder, got out on a technicality and is now torturing the rest of us because it hates life.

My job yesterday required me to look up advertising rates on several national fashion magazines. It was sadly quite boring, but I did learn important things: no definitive proof of a G-spot, men think about sex all day—and they think about having sex with 9 out of 10 women that they meet and most importantly, Oprah wants to steal Barack from Michelle.

This photo was on her site:

Now correct me if I’m wrong, but doesn’t it look like Michelle is the friend of the family and they are the couple? Nice positioning, and with just one little crop in Photoshop… voila!

I kind of feel like she had it cropped and it’s framed in her house somewhere, lol.

A very quick way to my heart involves combining things I love, like raw fish and cucumbers, reading and bed, wood fires and chocolate, vodka and anything, etc. In this case, Sara Bareilles and Jersey Shore. Hilarious.

Does anyone else have issues doing laundry? I feel like our laundry pile NEVER goes down and I’m constantly triaging eight or more loads at a time. OK, I need this tomorrow… Chop needs these for work… where the hell are my jeans… etc.

And honestly, doing laundry drives me crazy. I’m pretty sure it’s the waiting while things are washing and drying—nine times out of ten I forget about it and remember two days later.

That drives my mom completely nuts. :)

I go into my new office twice a week, and for the past two weeks, the same sign as been outside at CVS…

Now I know they mean H1N1, but because they use the “i” instead, I snicker every time I drive by, lol.