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August 22nd, 2008
ah mom, where’s the love?

Update: And now she’s hung up on me. She called to see how I was doing, I said better, blah blah, and then I said, see, I told you I didn’t have an STD. Yeah, it went downhill from there, with her saying she didn’t imply anything about either of us cheating (uh hi, yeah you did) and me saying, yes you did and her eventually hanging up on me. Fun. Freaking. Times.

Alright, so this might be TMI, but whatever, there’s a point.

So I’ve been feeling kinda crappy for the past few days, but then last night I was in agony. I figured out what it was (UTI), so I called my dad to have him call me in a couple of prescriptions. If you’ve ever had one, you know they suck hugely and meds are immediately required.

Alright, so my dad was actually going in to see a patient, so I ended up talking to my mom. She said she’s definitely have him call it in, blah blah, but THEN (and here is where it gets to the point) she said, “do you know how you got this?”

Now I’ve only gotten one before this, and that was last summer, but I did talk to my OBGYN about it a few months ago. She indicated it might be the constant condom use (the pain of not being able to take birth control), but unless the Chop wants a vasectomy right now, we’ll just have to deal and hopefully I won’t get too many.

Alright, so I said that to my mom and also that I’ve been really stressed (and therefor drinking a bit more) trying to launch this massive website (which, btw, I was doing the final push last night.. lovely time to want to die) and so that can also throw off your pH balance.

My mom, out of the blue, was all, are you sure it’s a UTI? Because it could be an STD.


I say, no, I’m sure it’s a UTI. Where would I get an STD? (mind you, I’m chuckling at this) It’s not like Chop or I have any time to have any other relationship, we’re way too damn busy.

Well, she says, it’s the people who you don’t think have the time to have affairs that do it.

Again, WTF?

So I say, ah, yeah, I’m pretty sure he’s not cheating on me (nor I on him). And seriously Mom, you went from me saying I have a UTI to thinking I might have an STD that he caught from another woman?

Her response was something like, you never know and blah blah blah.

Yeah, I’ve now decided that my Mom, whom I adore, is either a) a little insane, b) thinks the worst of guys in general or c) thinks the worst of me and Chop. I know some of her issues have to do with affairs that have occurred in the family, but come on, it’s not like every man/woman is going to cheat on his/her spouse/partner.

I mean really, would your Mom make that leap?

posted in: disturbing,hilarity — @ 2:40 pm


  1. moms are crazy. my mom thought i was a lesbian because i brought a friend some flowers from the garden because she was depressed… obviously flowers are some sort of sign in the gay world that roughly translates to “hi i’m a lezzy too, i would love to eat your carpet”

    moms. you can’t live with them. and you can’t have them commited.

    Comment by wendykat — Sunday.August.24.2008 @ 5:45 am

  2. rotfl lmao, oh man, that’s good. I feel better now, lol.

    Comment by the insider — Monday.August.25.2008 @ 10:30 am

  3. did i also mention her reasoning was thus “my sister is a lesbian”… yea. her sister was raped, hence now a lesbian… it doesn’t run in the family like our slanty eyes do!

    Comment by wendykat — Wednesday.August.27.2008 @ 1:30 pm

  4. omfg.. wowza.

    our mothers = slightly insane.

    Comment by the insider — Wednesday.August.27.2008 @ 10:42 pm

  5. Just a hot tip – i hate taking pills, and I’ve had about 2 UTIS before, Cranberry juice works within the hour, just drink like, a litre of it. (or a gallon. Whatever metrics you guys use) and that way no awkward calls to parents :)
    Plus, cranberry juice and vodka works a treat – win win!!!

    Comment by CJ — Monday.October.13.2008 @ 3:51 pm

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