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June 25th, 2005
the world wide sock federation

the guest thinks they’re out to get him…. lol

Where did my Left Socks Go?

This morning as I was getting dressed I noticed a lonely sock sitting all by itself. A right sock. Unfortunately, this is not a new sight to me.

Over the years I’ve noticed that I have an ever-growing pile of right socks. I wait for the left sock-mate to appear but to no avail. I recently pointed out this phenomenon to my wife.

She’s convinced that this is of no concern and that the socks that are missing aren’t all left socks. How does she know? She matches left with left and right with right all the time! “Besides” she says, “why would only left socks disappear?”

Well I have a theory on all this. I have to warn you that this may be a little provocative, but hopefully you will see how this all makes sense.

Over the years, the major washing machine manufacturers have continued to improve their technology allowing clothes to become cleaner and last longer. For years socks were one of the most profitable consumable clothing items as they would wear out quickly and need to be replaced.

As the technology improved socks started lasting longer and longer. Sock sales, (particularly men’s socks) took a substantial hit. Men will wear socks until their absolute death. Holes, broken elastic, threadbare – doesn’t matter.

Almost 10 years ago in 1996, the major clothing manufacturers formed an alliance called the “World Wide Sock Federation.” This alliance was formed to address the declining sock sales. After much planning and debate on how to resolve the problem, they partnered with the major appliance manufacturers.

They also brought in top scientists and statisticians from all over the world. After much debate they formed the most perfect and insidious plan to dupe the worlds sock consumers.

You’re probably wondering what came of their evil genius. The scientists came up with a way for appliances to selectively destroy left socks. The reasoned with the help of the statisticians that by targeting only left socks that they would be able to render more pairs of socks unusable while minimizing the actual number of socks that needed to be destroyed. Such an elegant system would likely be unnoticed by the average consumer. If anyone did catch on the whole idea of laundry machines destroying left socks would seem so outlandish they figured they could get away with it.

Have you ever noticed how your lint trap gets so full after every load? You think it’s normal for so much lint to accumulate simply from washing your clothes? I don’t think so!

World Wide Sock Federation, I’m on to you!

I have to go buy some socks now.

posted in: guest musings — @ 6:05 am

2 Comments »

  1. while i too believe that all socks of the world particularily the left one is in grave danger, I would be more inclined to place the blame on the dryer gnomes. those sneaky little devils are always stealing a sock or two to place over their damned pointy heads.

    grrr I hate them.

    Comment by pat — Tuesday.July.26.2005 @ 1:47 am

  2. LOL. Dryer gnomes.. I like it.

    Comment by the insider — Tuesday.July.26.2005 @ 9:31 am

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